When You Just Can't Do It

HE GOES BEFORE! Be this thy consolation!

He goes before! On this my heart would dwell!

He goes before! This guarantees salvation!

HE GOES BEFORE! And therefore all is well.

--J. Danson Smith (from Streams in the Desert)

I didn't think that I would be able to do it, and I was right. 

Coming here, to a tiny town in the Midwest, moving away from everyone, everything that I held dear--

I came here weeping. 

I didn't think that I would be able to do it -- to be without the constant loving interactions with my family members in my day-to-day life--

Moving away from the home that I had called home for 33 years -- the home that I have lived in all of my life -- first as a baby and a little girl, then with my husband and children -- We lived with my mom after we married. 

I didn't think that I could do it. 

And I left with the physical ties cut, bleeding -- it felt like a death--

The death of the things that I love most, cherish most, hold the most dear--

Beloved family, beloved friends, beloved New England, beloved memories. 

To come here where nothing was familiar. To come here where people do things differently -- where the buildings and the houses and the landscape are so different. Where everything is farther apart, where I can't find all the familiar things that I'm used to. 

I didn't think that I could do it--

Do what the Lord had called me to do -- years and years ago, pressing a burden on my heart to begin a ministry here with my husband. 

And before I left, my little daughter curled up beside me on blankets on our floor -- our bed was packed, ready to go -- I took comfort in the closeness of her little person beside me -- close to me -- and I held on to the promise that the Lord had given me months before. 

That His Presence would go with me. 

My brother-in-law pressed a notecard into my hand as we left -- a promise written in his beautiful calligraphy--

My Presence will go with you and I will give you rest.

And I couldn't do it -- but God could--

He could do His work through me--

He could give me the strength that I needed to face changes and separation and uncertainty and fear.

Because He promised to go with me -- and He is greater than all of these things. 

Just before we made the decision to come here and the Lord opened doors in miraculous and unusual ways--

I was still pleading with Him not to go -- not yet. 

I was listening to a message given by Ravi Zacharias -- about the missionary David Livingstone--

The Lord spoke to me powerfully through it; his words pierced me--

Zacharias shared a quote from David Livingstone--

God, send me anywhere, only go with me. Lay any burden on me, only sustain me. And sever any tie in my heart except the tie that binds my heart to Yours.

― David Livingstone

The Holy Spirit spoke to me through his words -- Weeping, I surrendered my will to the Lord and knew peace.

I knew that He would go with me. 

And I went. 

The pastor at the church that we've been attending said this in a sermon recently, and his words touched my heart--

"The idea that God never gives us more than we can handle -- He does -- God gives us more than we can handle so that we can run to Him and cry out to Him, so that we can see His magnificence in it all -- when I am weak, then I am strong."

The Lord gave me more than I could handle. 

Called me to do something that I didn't think that I could do -- so that I could see His power worked through my weakness and know His sufficiency in it all and depend upon Him in my loneliness and trust that His Presence has gone before me. 

These months have been some of the most difficult for me and some of the most blessed. I have held on to His promises and He has held on to me. He has given me His strength and His joy -- an indescribable joy and peace in my heart -- through a Midwestern winter in a drafty rental house -- a knowing that I am where He wants me. 

Joy. Strength. Peace. Only because of Him. 

And when we surrender and feel like we are falling and losing and dying--

We find His arms beneath us,

We find our hands full of His promises,

We find His life.

As I keep explaining to my little daughter -- the trees lose their leaves during the winter so that they can be clothed in fresh new leaves and life in the spring--

Spring is coming.

And I know that I am here with Him, 

And He is with me.

You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, Inspire Me Monday, Literacy Musing Mondays, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, SDG Gathering, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, Motivate and Rejuvenate Mondays,, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, Testimony Tuesday, Tell His Story, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Women With Intention Wednesdays, Messy Marriage, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Theology Thursdays, Children Are A Blessing, Imparting Grace, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Thought Provoking Thursday, Count My Blessings, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Blessing Counters Link Party, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, Faith and  Fellowship Blog Hop, Motivate and Rejuvenate Monday Link-Up, A Little R&R Wednesdays. TGI Saturdays Blog Hop. Totally Terrific Tuesday, RaRaLinkup, Word of God Speak, Booknificent Thursday, So Much At Home Link Up Party

Love that Wins

“Now, Mr. Great-heart was a strong man, so he was not afraid of a lion.” 

- John Bunyan

It was the first time this week that I've really felt peace. 

Oh, I know the promises. And I know that our God is in control. I know that He allows and orders all things; that nothing happens apart from His plan.

I knew all of these things.

And yet, fear gripped me. Worry threatened me. A lump of dismay lay cold and clammy in my heart, and I felt afraid. 

Afraid when I read about the SCOTUS decision in my "Trending"sidebar. 

Afraid when I saw all of the "rejoicing," when rainbow flags kept popping up, overshadowing the faces of so, so many, it seemed.

Afraid when even so-called Christians appeared to be joining the bandwagon, when other believers said nothing, appeared oblivious to the whole thing, or just wanted to ignore it. 

I felt afraid. 

Felt afraid when they called it "hate," when they labeled me a "bigot" because I cannot, in good conscience, approve a lifestyle choice that directly flies in the face of God's Word, of a lifestyle choice that mocks Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, that re-defines" love" as whatever a person wishes it to be. 

I've had friends who are homosexuals. I've loved them. I've felt genuine compassion toward them; I've seen them as fellow sinners--the only difference between us grace and repentance. I remember a boy who was gay in my high school class -- an outcast, who used to enjoy talking with me. I still have it -- the picture that he drew of me with angel wings. He gave it to me. I hope that he found Jesus and freedom. I loved him. 

This message of #lovewins is a deception -- because true love is of God; there is no such thing as love apart from His Word and His rule. Sin brings death and chaos and loss. Sin will never win, for the "soul that sins will die." 

If anything (ironically), the "hatred" that I've seen has come from homosexuals and their supporters... frankly, I've never seen a group exercise so much intimidation and hateful speech towards those who morally oppose them. But then, we are never consistent when far from God, only consistent in our sin and in justifying our lifestyle. May God have mercy. May God forgive them, for they know not what they do. 

So I have felt afraid. Afraid of the "floods of ungodliness." Afraid of the ambivalence. Afraid of the silence, afraid for my children, afraid of what they may have to face in the future, afraid for myself and for other believers.

Fear. But then, peace. 

I was walking with my little ones, down the old familiar road that we always walk on. 

I looked above us, beyond to the telephone wire near a marsh that houses many different birds. And I saw a dove, a robin, and a cardinal. Just sitting calmly, unafraid. 

Creation itself spoke to me of Him, of His constancy, of His power, of His love. Spoke to me in the midst of my fear  and assured me of His presence. He was there with me. He is here with me. His heart holds my children; our times are in His hands. 

Later, we stood near the ocean where the wind whipped our hair, and I spread out my arms toward the sky . . . It is my Father's world. Nothing can happen to me, to my husband, to our children, to my loved ones apart from His will. All the hairs on our heads are numbered. 

And the battle is already won. 

So I take heart.

And I speak His truth, because truth cannot stay hidden inside. 

And I love my neighbor as myself, gay, straight, old, young, rich, or poor--

And if I love my neighbor as myself than I will not look over his sin -- because love that wins is a love that cares about whether my neighbor will spend eternity with Jesus or eternity apart from Him. The question is not whether I love my neighbor so much as it is do I love my neighbor enough to tell him the truth and to lead him to Jesus?

Because love is not a warm fuzzy feeling, as C. S. Lewis says,

Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.

Love is caring enough about another person for whom Christ died, that we don't want their sin (no matter what kind of sin it is) to cause them to be eternally separated from God. And this is the same love that Jesus had for us. 

I will speak because I do not need to be afraid of those who can only kill the body but cannot kill the soul. 

I will speak love in the midst of hatred towards the Lord Jesus, hatred towards His Word, hatred towards His will and His rule. 

I will speak love.

Because I am not afraid.

There is not fear in love because perfect love casts out fear (I John 4:18)... We love because He first loved us. (I John 4:19)

And loving, stand unafraid in Him. 

You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, Inspire Me Monday, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, SDG Gathering, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, Motivate and Rejuvenate Mondays, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, Testimony Tuesday, Tell His Story, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Women With Intention Wednesdays, Messy Marriage, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Theology Thursdays, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Thought Provoking Thursday, Every Day Jesus, Count My Blessings, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Blessing Counters Link Party, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, Faith and  Fellowship Blog Hop, Motivate and Rejuvenate Monday Link-Up, A Little R&R Wednesdays. TGI Saturdays Blog Hop. Totally Terrific Tuesday, RaRaLinkup

Para-sailers, Props, and Freedom to Walk on the Waves . . .

May the love of Jesus fill me, as the waters fill the sea -

Him exalting, self abasing, this is victory.

--Kate B. Wilkinson

The wind stole around us as we neared the ocean's edge.

And we left the stroller and climbed down to the rocks, near the delightfully-refreshing waves. 

It was a hot, sticky day, the sun smoldering, the air tepid and still. 

We walked here for refreshment and a change of scene before supper. My husband pushed Debbie along, her chubby legs swinging in the heat. 

I carried our two-week-old baby, trying to get used to the wrap that he was neatly tucked inside, thinking for a brief moment of the Middle-eastern women who wore their babies with such ease, the wrap an aid to help them with their work. 

I needed some help . . . 

And we touched our feet on the rocks near the shore and Debbie threw them into the great water one by one, her little self delighted in the splashes that followed. 

My husband skimmed shells over the waves and we watched while a para-sailer performed there in the ice-blue water.

I marveled at his skill, which was impressive and then a thought came to me-- "Jesus could walk on the waves without any equipment." 

And I looked into the sky and saw the great kite that carried his board and that aided him over the vast expanse of the ocean. 

There were sea birds, soaring in the sky near him -- without ropes, without props -- just doing what God made them to do -- soaring--next to that para-sailer in the wind. 

God gave them wings, and God created them to fly -- the God who also walked on waves and calmed the raging sea in the storm.

Sometimes I think that I need all of this "equipment" to do what God has called me to do--

At times when He is teaching me to walk by faith, I grow afraid and reach out for my great kite, for my strings, for my life-vest.

And although it is good to take precautions, to be prepared, sometimes I rely upon these things rather than upon Jesus, who would have me cast my self upon Him and let go of my "props". 

Now, I have nothing against para-sailers-- I only use them as an example here -- They are fascinating to watch-

And I have nothing against "props" to make life easier -- My Maya wrap has been an incredible help to me -- and so has my baby swing, my car-seats, and my daily cups (plural!) of coffee. 

But ultimately, I need to realize that it is Jesus who brings me through the day -- These things can be a help, but they are not the ultimate answer. 

And it's Him working through me that enables me to do anything that is worth anything, that has lasting value. 

When I try to hold onto my props, to my methods, apart from Him, it's just a performance. 

But His grace, His power working in and through us gives purpose. 

I want to exchange performance for purpose -- His purpose -- His will daily being worked out in and through me. 

I'd like to walk on the waves figuratively, taking His strength for each day--allowing Him to bend my heart and my will into the conformity of His purposes for me.

It's difficult for me to let go of my props, to walk by faith. 

It's easier to hang on to our ropes and our sail and our board. 

But when we do, we are lifted up, high into the great gust of His wonder and purpose, like the sea birds who dip into the wind and have no fear. 

His love enables us not to fear--

And to walk, to fly, by faith. 

But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint

Isaiah 40:31

 

 

Photo credits:
1. bill85704 / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)  

2. Andrew Morrell Photography / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-ND 2.0)

3.By Paul Bril [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

 

He Lifts Us

The sky is ashy and pale as I back out of our slushy driveway. 

Alone. 

For the first time in weeks. 

I have a doctor's appointment--

Worried; thinking of Debbie, thinking of her little face as I left -- knowing that she will be safe and cared-for while I'm gone; my Mama is with her -- but feeling so strange without her little person following me here and there and everywhere . . . 

Frustrated; by situations out of my control, by the "clutter" of life, the "clutter" of anxious thoughts, the "clutter" of trying to neatly figure everything out--

Situations, beyond my control, rise up like serpentine phantoms and the tears come -- and I force them away. 

Frustrated, overwhelmed-

Drive down the familiar street, the street where I've lived, played on, ridden my bike up and down, for the past 31 years. The street that has been so familiarly comforting to me.  

But it's icy now, covered by a thick sheet of glassy laminate and I turn the corner and it's the same, so I creep along. I try to brake and the brakes don't take, so I slow down even more. 

Where has that old familiar pavement vanished?  

And I creep along until suddenly the ice is gone and I can drive again on clean pavement and know that the wheels are gripping something. 

My husband has a CD in the player -- I don't know what it is, but I turn on the volume and the sweet music fills our old car with grace and light. 

I'v never heard this CD before -- a collection of hymns -- Chris Rice -- and I listen. And the music ministers to my weary, hungry soul. 

It is well with my soul . . . 

How Great Thou art . . . 

Speak to me, Lord; I am listening now. I wasn't before. 

Too preoccupied with my own worries, fears -- and now the tears come again, but they are not tears of anxiety, but tears of rest and peace. 

The music speaks to my soul; He speaks to my soul. 

Refreshed. 

He has never failed us -- will He now? 

Rock of ages, cleft for me -- let me hide myself in Thee--

In Thee -- the All Sufficient One -- and sing--

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea.
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart.
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there the risen Lamb,
My perfect spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
The King of glory and of grace,
One with Himself I cannot die.
My soul is purchased by His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ my Savior and my God!

And this is what I've discovered in my life--that it's not so much that He meets me where I 

am, but that He lifts me up to where He is -- plants my feet on a "Rock that is higher than 

I," where I couldn't pick myself up, couldn't pick up my emotions, couldn't change my 

circumstances. He lifts me up to where He is--my great high Priest who is seated at the 

right hand of God-- and my name is written on his nail-torn hands. 

Praise His name . . . 

Fear, Minivans, and the Father’s Mercy

"But the Lord said to Joshua, “Do not be afraid . . . "

Joshua 11:6

“The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.”

--George Mueller

I eat the peanut butter cup and I realize with every bite that I am eating it because I am afraid. I’m not even enjoying it, just eating it because I’m worrying about a given situation and I am using chocolate and peanut butter as a substitute for prayer.

I don’t want to pray; I want to worry—and eat chocolate and peanut butter while I do it. It’s “easier” than praying-at the moment. Harder in the long run, as I allow the fear and distrust in God to build in my spirit the more I choose not to trust in Him. Harder because I’m constructing concrete walls that will eventually need to be broken down by the Holy Spirit of God.

George Mueller said, “The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.”

When I choose to coddle anxiety, to coddle fear, rather than to run to Jesus Christ for protection and mercy, I am setting myself up for failure and discouragement, fear, and distraction—none of which honor God nor bring glory to Him, nor help me in my walk with Him.

I say that I am worrying because I am “concerned” about a problem. But my worry isn’t being channeled into prayer—it’s being channeled into chips or ice cream or excessive self-discipline for the sake of trying to retain control where I perceive that I am losing it.

Let it go . . . “Look to the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap and yet their Heavenly Father cares for them.” “Consider the lilies . . .”--beautifully, elegantly clothed and they took no thought for any stitch of their clothing.

Let it go.

In my own life, the Lord has used the example of George Mueller (and if you have never read about Mueller and his faith-run orphanages, I would commend his writings to you) to encourage me to trust the Lord for daily, practical needs. My husband and I attempt by the grace of God to avoid debt. We live dangerously close to the edge of Western so-called “poverty,” but the Lord always supplies our necessities and we have never been forsaken or destitute.

Recently, my faith was tested and strengthened specifically in areas where I had been fearful and doubtful. The Lord was gracious—two of the areas were in response to specific needs that my family had and that we had been praying about. One was a significantly large material need—for a minivan, and one for an infant carrier that I desired—and that would have been a large expense for my husband and me.

I brought both of these needs/wants before the Lord, and I struggled with trusting Him to provide.

In both of these situations, He mercifully and miraculously provided for us—the minivan came in a way that I least expected it—a large dealership that was trying to make a sale at the very end of the year—we usually never buy our vehicles through dealerships, but hadn’t found anything that fit within our budget for weeks, and so finally decided to try a particular dealership that came to my Mom’s mind and that she recommended to us.

We had a set price that we were working with—and at first the salesman seemed that he wouldn’t budge. I told him that we couldn’t go any higher than the price that we offered—he said that he admired the fact that we were trying to avoid debt and went to talk with his managers.

He came back—they would go a little bit lower, but not as low as we had hoped. I firmly replied that the offer that we had made was the best that we could do, and he made the effort to talk to them again.

They would take it, he came back and said—even seeming a bit surprised himself. We would just need to purchase the car in the few days that remained before the New Year—for the sake of their sales reports. The manager came by and joked with us—he seemed to be in a particularly good mood because of the New Year—and because the Lord had put it in his heart to take the offer that we made in answer to prayer.

I rejoiced in my heart because the answer had come in such an unlikely way—and the minivan was even a color and style that I liked, where I was sure (because of our budget) that it might be a hideous shade of orange, or something along those lines. :-))

And the infant carrier—another answer to prayer—a woman that my sister knew was giving hers to someone who needed it—and so the Lord provided for me, for us. He is merciful . . . and when we step back and actively put our trust and faith in Him, even if our efforts are shaky but genuine, He moves even mountains for us.

This may mean of course that we take active steps of obedience and trust—we cast out our nets, so to speak. But if the night lingers long, and no answer has come, if the net remains empty, I need to be careful that I don’t become fearful that He won’t provide for me and try to work out my own deliverance. Those times when it seems like no answer is in sight are the times that He is using to teach us to wait upon Him, to trust in Him and to have confidence that He is Jehovah-Jireh—the Great Provider.

He will fill the nets, after any hope of human help is past; He will work and move in a “mysterious” way that can only be attributed to His mercy and intervention. The glory then is His alone.

This has happened so many times in my life, especially after I grew discouraged and feared that no answer would be given, that we would be “destitute.” It may be “easier” in the short run to trust in bank books and steady jobs, and insurance policies, but after all of these fail us, it is God—the One who we often forget is the real Provider—who is constant, Who will provide for the needs of those who honor Him.

I leave you with these verses. They have been a great encouragement to me and I urge you to meditate on them and to put your trust in our mighty and merciful Heavenly Father whenever you have a need, whether material or spiritual:

Behold, all those who were incensed against you shall be ashamed and disgraced; they shall be as nothing, and those who strive with you shall perish.  You shall seek them and not find them-- those who contended with you. Those who war against you shall be as nothing, as a nonexistent thing.  For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, "Fear not, I will help you. Fear not, you worm Jacob, you men of Israel! I will help you," says the Lord and your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. Behold, I will make you into a new threshing sledge with sharp teeth; you shall thresh the mountains and beat them small, and make the hills like chaff.  You shall winnow them, the wind shall carry them away, and the whirlwind shall scatter them; you shall rejoice in the Lord, and glory in the Holy One of Israel.  The poor and needy seek water, but there is none, their tongues fail for thirst. I, the Lord, will hear them; I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them. I will open rivers in desolate heights, and fountains in the midst of the valleys; I will make the wilderness a pool of water, and the dry land springs of water.  I will plant in the wilderness the cedar and the acacia tree, the myrtle and the oil tree; I will set in the desert the cypress tree and the pine and the box tree together, that they may see and know, and consider and understand together, that the hand of the Lord has done this, and the Holy One of Israel has created it. 

(Isaiah 41:11-20)

My Fear of the Church Potluck

"I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;Oh, bless me now, my Savior,I come to Thee."

--Annie S. Hawks

The holidays are here again, or at least, just around the corner. Everyone’s spirits seem to lift in anticipation of the festivities. And so do mine . . . I love the cheerful Christmas carols being played, the decorations, the lights, the warmth, the glow. There’s “a song in the air,” a song that resonates in believer’s hearts as they focus on the Nativity, the Gift of the Christ-Child, the physical advent of salvation. And as Christian folks near and far gather together, we’re reminded of how we will all share in the great Marriage Feast of the Lamb one day, one glorious, freeing day.

I love the holiday season . . . and yet, there is one event that always strikes fear in my heart. And that is, another church potluck. No; I’m not afraid of calories (although to someone who is, the church potluck is not the place for the weak in will ;-)). Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the fellowship, the games, the abundant fare, the succulent desserts. The church potluck strikes a note of terror in my soul because . . . I am not a “people person.” I am shy. I like to retreat into myself and nervously ponder whether or not I answered so and so in the “right” way, whether I said something that didn’t make sense, whether there was food in my teeth while I was talking to an elder’s wife.

In years past, I’ve tried to think of dozens of excuses not to go, to try to conjure up a reason for my absence.

I usually end up going. I usually end up enjoying myself and having a good time of fellowship with the brethren. I usually end up over-eating, but that’s a different matter . . .   :-)

I am better at expressing my thoughts through writing rather than through speaking. I like to think about what I am going to say. I like to make sure that I’m not saying anything (truly) heretical. I like to ask the opinions of other Godly family members and friends before I voice a strong opinion about something, in general.

But sometimes the Lord doesn’t give us exactly what we want. Sometimes He places us in situations where we feel uncomfortable so that we can learn, step by painful freeing step, to depend upon Him. So that we will experience His presence and Him speaking through us at the spur of the moment when we haven’t had time to think through what our answer is going to be.

And it’s funny, sometimes I don’t “feel” uncomfortable at all. Sometimes I can go to church or to a social gathering and be perfectly at ease. And I am like Peter walking on the waves, heading toward his Savior. But at other times, (most times) I am a blundering nervous wreck who hides behind my husband’s loquaciousness, nodding my head and smiling, trying to eat as slowly as possible so that I won’t have to rise from my squeaky folding chair and actually carry on a conversation with someone (the point of “the potluck!”) Suddenly (and usually when I am worrying about what people think or depending on myself) I begin to sink beneath the waves and cry out in desperation for Jesus to lift me up before I drown and make an absolute fool of myself.

All at the church potluck. And there are people there who are social butterflies just flitting around from person to person, saying all of the right things and giving all of the right smiles and there is never food between their teeth and they just don’t understand people like little old me who are terrified of the church potluck.

Isn’t life funny like that? And I think of the times that people stepped outside of their circle of friends and talked to me at the church potluck and I was eternally grateful, and they never realized it. I think of an associate minister’s wife at the time, who “stepped down” to spend time in conversation with me when I was in highschool and she wasn’t pushing to find out what plans I had for college or whether I had a summer job lined up or how well I did on my SAT’s. She was just living out the love of Christ toward someone who she probably realized felt awkward and uncomfortable. And there have been other people like that. People who are not concerned about whether or not they are sitting with the “right” people, the “important” people at the church potluck. People who sit with the people who they perceive to be “lowly,” and who don’t do it for the show of it, but because they genuinely have love for the brethren. People who are filled with the Holy Spirit and the love of Christ and who don’t patronize but truly care.

We need to realize that the Lord makes people different, that He has placed them in all different circumstances in life, that they have come from all different backgrounds and most of us have hang-ups and insecurities and fears. And I am not giving anyone an “excuse” for fearful, introverted to the point of being unfriendly behavior, but I am saying that we should show mercy, not judgement and a turning up the nose and wagging the tongue towards them.

There is a great difference between someone who grew up in the church, sang in the choir, came from a Godly family and attended every church service, and someone who came from a background of abuse, beatings, soap operas, pornography, chaos, and constant sarcastic belittlement from a parent or from parents. We need to show compassion. We need to sit with people from the latter group at the church potluck who have come to Christ, who have been redeemed, but who still feel uncomfortable and who use the word “ain’t” once in a while.

And though I grew up under the influence of a godly Christian mother who protected us and brought us up in the fear of the Lord, my disposition is one of shyness. And on top of that “handicap,” many times in my own life, depending on the circumstances, I have felt extremely uncomfortable for different reasons because of the sinful behavior of my father and the effect that it had upon our family. I didn’t want to talk about it; I wanted to hide it and to protect those who I loved who were affected by it. I didn’t want to be confronted at the church potluck about “how things were going” by someone who completely didn’t understand the situation, the agony, the deep distress and the extent of emotional pain that it caused.

I understand now that there are “well-meaning” Christians who intend no harm in asking somewhat silly questions; they just don’t understand because they haven’t experienced it. But I think as believers that it is sometimes better to hold your peace and just let someone know that you are sincerely praying for them if you don’t understand. But I digress . . .

Ahh . . . the church potluck. For me, it is an opportunity to learn to rely more upon the Holy Spirit in any given situation. To stop thinking about how panic attacks run in my family and to just take a couple of strong aspirin afterwards when the inevitable headache comes.

For others, it is an opportunity to learn grace, to exhibit grace towards those who are uncomfortable. Not in a showy way that makes the “shy” ones feel like you are pitying them. The Holy Spirit will teach you how. The Holy Spirit will show you who to talk to and how it is more important to show the love of Christ in this way than to gush over the quality of the apple pie or to take the highest social place. The Lord will reward you. And He will be well-pleased in your obedience and the love that is poured out through you by His Spirit.

And isn’t that what the church potluck is all about? The love of Christ, the fellowship of the brethren, and the glory to Him alone.

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