Loving Well---Romance and Redemption: A Marriage Mini-Series--Introduction

Note: This post is part of a series of posts on marriage/relationships. I pray that this "mini-series" would be a blessing to you! Please feel free to share any of your own thoughts in the comments! 

Chivalry in love has nothing to do with the sweetness of the appearance. It has everything to do with the tenderness of a heart determined to serve.

~Ravi Zacharias

As I've been thinking and praying about this mini-series on marriage and relationships, an idea surfaced in my head, and that was this--Perhaps we show how much we love someone by how much we are willing to suffer for them . . . how much we are willing to give for them. . . how far we are willing to go for them . . . how long we are willing to wait for them . . . how steadfast we will be not to compromise with sin to gain a temporary false peace that may be easily shattered.

This idea began to take root in my heart and in my head and I will follow this thought process throughout this series on marriage. Because I believe that it is true. And because I believe that there is no easy way for true romantic love to flourish except through sacrifice.

Our example is Christ and His church--and what stronger example of sacrifice and sacrificial love can there be? Even before we loved Him, He loved us . . . even when we scorned Him, spurned Him, spit upon Him . . . He loved us. 

I have to ask myself this as a woman and as a wife and as a follower of Christ--

How much am I willing to suffer, to give, to die to myself for the ones that I say that I love--

Nowhere is this more played out than in the marriage relationship.

The same goes for men--for husbands--and I believe, on a mystical level, they will answer to the Lord more strongly as the head of their families under Christ--

How much am I willing to suffer, to give, to die to myself for my wife?

Only when we can give everything, as Christ did, on the cross of Calvary, will we fully arrive. And never on this earth, or in this life, will we fully arrive . . . and that is where grace comes in.

We will never fully arrive. But if our hearts beat with the heartbeat of Christ, if His love flows through our veins, and there is life--than we will strive to be like Him. Here. In the now. In this moment with my husband or with my wife.

We have the gift of the Spirit of God. He enables us to become more and more like Christ. And the more that we become like Christ, the more we will arrive, the more we will love, the more we will see our shortcomings and cry out for grace. We will never arrive but we are arriving.

Defensiveness in our relationships is usually a sign that we have not humbled ourselves, have not been humbled enough--when we argue and we fume and we rationalize our actions, we show that we are lacking something of grace--the grace of humility.

The most tender, sensitive men are the first to admit that they are not always tender and sensitive. The most gracious, gentle woman is the first to admit that she is not always gracious and gentle.

Humility is the door to obedience and only when we stoop low can we enter the vastness of God's grace on the other side, in the great pasture of obedience and love.

Real love, real romance begins with humility. It begins with losing ourselves and putting on Christ. The most handsome men are the ones who serve, not the ones who work out at the gym and drive shiny cars. The most beautiful women are the ones who put other's needs first and forget about themselves in the blessedness and freedom of serving and loving purely. The most spiritual men and women are not those with the most theological head knowledge, but those who walk in daily obedience to Christ. 

The degree of love that we have for others is proportionate with the degree that we are willing to suffer for their sake.  

"Love suffers long and is kind." (I Corinthians 13:4 NKJV)

Real love has to be willing to sacrifice in order to mirror the love of Christ. 

"In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." (I John 4:10 NKJV)

Because Christ suffered for us--God Himself, who is Love, suffered for our sakes--suffered because He loves us, suffered so that we may be holy and pure and one with Him. 

So we take Him as the Example in our relationships, as the way to know what real love is and how to practice it. 

There are no gimmicks when it comes to real love. Not even spiritual ones. We love well when we serve. We love well when we suffer. We love well when we abide in the vine. We love well when we die to ourselves and live to God. 

This is what brings breath and life and passion and grace into our marriages, into our relationships. Oneness with Christ and the joy that only self-giving brings. Death that brings life. 

And so I head into this series on marriage and relationships with a bit of trepidation. Because I know that I have not arrived. But by God's grace, I am arriving. And so I write. 

~Part One Next Week~

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Better to Obey . . .

“It is to the man who is trying to live, to the man who is obedient to the word of the Master, that the word of the Master unfolds itself.” 

― George MacDonald, Unspoken Sermons: Series I, II, III

It tasted so good.

The sweet and sour chicken that my brother-in-law picked up for me on Friday night.

My husband was working late -- and here I was, pregnant -- and the sweet and sour chicken just tasted so good. 

But I'm trying to be careful with what I eat -- I was pretty careful all week -- this was a treat -- a salty treat. 

I had eaten about half of it, and I was full. And I felt my conscience, felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me then and telling me that I had eaten enough. 

I was full. I knew that if I ate any more (as I have in the past) I would feel sick and sluggish and my ankles would most likely swell like sausages. 

So I wrapped it up. I put it away. I prided myself on the "good" example that I was setting for my watching daughter and happily placed it in the refrigerator, planning in my mind what I would have later as a healthy dessert. 

A few hours later.

I put my daughter to bed, was feeling tired and discouraged. Somewhat thoughtlessly, I opened the refrigerator and there it was. My half-eaten sweet and sour chicken -- Chinese takeout -- the "opiate of the masses." 

I took it out and ate the rest . . . it didn't even taste that good. 

Later, feeling sick and bloated and frustrated, I asked for forgiveness. 

Rather than taking my weariness and discouragement to the Lord, I had taken it to sweet and sour chicken -- and the only "consolation" that I "got" was that of a sick stomach and a restless night.

It's always better to obey...

The alternative isn't worth it.

And we forfeit peace and joy and holiness and rest for a lukewarm morsel that only makes us sick.

It's always better to obey.

When we sense the Spirit of God speaking to our conscience -- whispering some word to us about self-control or trusting the Lord, or being slow to become angry, etc., it always behooves us to listen.

An idea struck me this week -- when we love the Word, we obey it. 

And our obedience is a testimony to how much we truly love the Word of God. 

The Word is not just a Book -- yes; it is transcribed for us in a book -- the Bible -- but the Word is a Person -- the flesh and blood Person of Jesus Christ.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth --and we beheld His glory . . . 

He speaks to us through His Book and through the Person of the Holy Spirit -- who makes that Book come alive in our hearts as we surrender to Him in obedience. 

A few years ago, my sister introduced me (more in depth) to the writings of George MacDonald. 

His emphasis on being obedient to God in the seemingly "little" things made a deep impression upon me and has helped remind me of how important it is to do a thing that the Lord wants us to do once we become aware of it.

Simple things like laying out our family's clothes for church the night before so that I'm not overwhelmed and running late in the morning--

Things like picking up toys and books as we use them rather than letting them sit and pile up (as much as this is possible with a young child). 

Things like asking for forgiveness quickly when I've wronged someone rather than letting it sit and frustrate and fester.

When we don't sense or "feel" the presence of God at any particular period of our lives, I've learned that the answer doesn't always lie in waiting for Him to give us an epiphany.

The renewal of that sweet sense of His presence often comes through taking the small, difficult steps of obedience that lie before us, even when we don't feel like taking them.



Getting up a little earlier in the morning to spend time in the Word of God when we'd rather sleep--

Truly listening to someone who is speaking to us rather than being distracted by the 100 things on our to-do list--

Exercising self-control and patience and humility and trust in the areas of our life where the Holy Spirit is convicting us, rather than giving ourselves an excuse--

Spending our time in edifying conversation and pursuits that bring health to our souls rather than wasting our lives on things that really won't matter in eternity.



This is how we, how I demonstrate love for the Word of God--for Jesus, the Word--through quiet, simple steps of obedience in the day to day things that happen to me.

When we love the Word, we obey.

Recently, I watched a video clip of Chinese Christians receiving Bibles for the first time.

It brought me to tears when I witnessed how these precious believers pressed the Word to their hearts as they were handed their copy of the Word of God and praised Jesus openly, kissing the Bibles that they held.

So full of joy -- kissing their Bibles because their eyes have been opened to see Jesus as the living Word.

Kissing their Bibles as if they were kissing the Son.

Beauty and truth in their open hands and in their open hearts.

So persecuted, so poor, the refuse of this world, their hearts wide open to receive His truth--

Why?

Perhaps because when we come to a place of emptiness, of brokenness, when we have suffered long for righteousness' sake, He is ready to fill us with His presence, with his joy, with his Word--

And of His fullness we have received . . . 

Grace for grace. 

And if we are too "full," too "stuffed," with the things of this world, this life, His fullness cannot fit -- and we are just bloated, worldly-fluff-filled beings who have eaten too much Chinese takeout. 

We don't really care for the things of Christ . . . We  aren't aliens and strangers here; we're friends with this world and all of its pleasures.

Friendship with the world is enmity towards God. 

We have to ask ourselves, do we, do I have that kind of all-encompassing love for Jesus Christ, that I would take His Word and kiss it and press it to my heart?

Is it that precious to me? Do I even hold those kinds of emotions towards Him?

Am I prepared to suffer persecution for His sake, or am I too comfortable in my heated home with my flannel pajamas and the promise of vacations and entertainment and "stuff?"

Am I spiritually empty?

We have to ask ourselves these hard questions, especially when we hear stories of our brothers and sisters suffering persecution and deprivation and hardship in countries like North Korea and China and Belarus.

They care about Jesus -- they've been willing to lay everything down for him--even their very lives--

What am I willing to lay down?

What do I care about?

What does my heart seek?

And he who seeks to save his life will lose it, but he who loses his life for My sake will find it--

He is our Treasure; His Word our hope. Only in obedient surrender do we realize these truths--

And press His Word to our hearts -- as our salvation and glory.

 Photo Credits: 

wEnDaLicious / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

A Sinner's Lovesong

 

My song is love unknown, my Savior’s love to me,

Love to the loveless shown that they might lovely be.

Oh, who am I that for my sake

My Lord should take frail flesh and die?

-Samuel Crossman

“Love to the loveless shown that they may lovely be . . . “ And I in flesh and bone and all my shortcomings and all my wandering frustrations concentrated, deliberate, stormy choices, disobedience, fallings, pain. Eyes aghast I look at Him-bleeding, perfect, spotless Lamb, innocent and holy—there is no connection, no way across...

The ragged walls surround me, walls of pride, walls of indifference, walls of self-sufficiency and “I-am-good-enough.” How much more-- how much more do I need to “give up”? Haven’t I done enough, put my 10% into the plate of offering? I don’t do “bad things”, I don’t curse, I don’t steal, I don’t murder, I don’t smoke. I wear modest clothing. I don’t watch TV. Is there more? I am empty . . . Is there more? And how do I experience the presence of the Most Holy in my day-to-day life? Is the Bible alive, the presence of the Father a burning bush to my soul, or is it a dead, dry leaf, dusty and unremembered, placed neatly on a shelf next to all of my Christian fiction-or, better still-Taste of Home magazines...? 

Is there more? Is there joy? Joy unspeakable and full of glory? 

I shake my soul and ask, ask honestly, fire hard questions there—I give my 10%, but do I meet a brother or sister’s urgent need when it costs me something, when it digs deep into my comfort? I don’t let 4-letter-words-- maybe then people would not think so well of me-- spring out of my lips, but do I secretly resent the things that happen to me--biting down hard on His Father-will, so hard that it draws blood? I don’t take what is not physically mine, but do I withhold good when it is due? 

The blood rises up, into my ears, and I feel uncomfortable; I clear my throat . . . I don’t murder, Lord! But how many times, just this week, have I held spiteful anger in my heart towards a brother or sister? The outward things—so easy for me to be proud of abstaining from-- smoking (maybe just because it’s not in style anymore?) and my neat denim jumpers (Oh Lord, bless me for I am not like other women . . .!). 

Ever the motive, ever the heart . . . the heart is deceitful, above all things . . . I feel the desperate wickedness and I close my eyes . . . No TV, Lord . . . but how many hours do I waste on other forms of media—how many worthless hours on my computer, on my Ipod, on my cell-phone? The heart, the motive . . . and ever Jesus’ eyes piercing, touching the places that are dark with uncomfortable, revealing-holy light. The hours that I spend, that I waste—how much time do I spend in His Word, in His presence through prayer, in pressing into memory the words of His Book?

Joy, joy, seeking joy-seeking a connection, a way across---Jesus----His hand touches mine. I eat the bread and drink the cup of His Presence. Reality to me, a daughter of grace. And His eyes search mine and speak to my shortcomings, my failing, forgive my sins . . . 

Depth of mercy! Can there be

Mercy still reserved for me?

Can my God His wrath forbear,

Me, the chief of sinners, spare?

I have long withstood His grace,

Long provoked Him to His face,

Would not hearken to His calls,

Grieved Him by a thousand falls.

 I my Master have denied,

I afresh have crucified,

And profaned His hallowed Name,

Put Him to an open shame.

Jesus speaks, and pleads His blood!

He disarms the wrath of God;

Now my Father's mercies move,

Justice lingers into love.

There for me the Savior stands,

Shows His wounds and spreads His hands.

God is love! I know, I feel;

Jesus weeps and loves me still.

Now incline me to repent,

Let me now my sins lament,

Now my foul revolt deplore,

Weep, believe, and sin no more.

-Charles Wesley