Book Spotlight: My 30 Day Journey to a Fulfilled Life by Ifeoma Samuel

I have been blessed to get to know Ifeoma a little better through blogging.When she shared that she was planning to release her devotional in March, I agreed to spotlight it on my blog. I have not read Ifeoma's devotional due to time constraints, but if you would like to check it out, please do so through the links provided or by visiting Amazon and searching for her devotional using her name or the title of her book.  :-)

Releasing March 15th, 2015:

Ifeoma Samuel's Devotional

"Filled with Biblical Perspective and Godly Wisdom the book is a fantastic devotional to help you understand and live a fulfilling life. "

My 30 Day Journey to a Fulfilled Life: 

You Are a Loner Without God

Available for pre-order:click here

To visit Ifeoma's blog, Purposeful and Meaningful, click here

You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, Motivate and Rejuvenate Monday Link-Up

An "Impossible" Prayer Request

For with God nothing will be impossible."

Luke 1:37

I read this verse on a friend's Facebook wall the other day. Blinked, and read the verse that came up at the top of my newsfeed. 

It came at a moment when my heart was heavy with doubt, drowning like Peter in doubt, and the Lord once again mercifully lifted me out of the waves. 

You see, I have an impossible prayer request--a request that's been burning in my heart for years, since I was a teenager, when the Lord first placed this calling upon my life, this ministry upon my heart. 

An impossible prayer request . . . and I bring it before you who are my friends and I ask that you would pray for me, pray for my husband, for my family, for those who will be involved. 

With man, it is an impossibility. In my present situation, an impossibility. 

But God works through seemingly impossible situations so that all of the glory may be His. 

Through a shepherd boy with only a sling and five smooth stones . . .

Through Gideon's army of 300 small . . . 

Through a little boy's lunch.

God works through the impossible to show His power and provision and protection and grace. 

When we surrender completely to Him. 

Faith does not operate in the realm of the possible. There is no glory for God in that which is humanly possible. Faith begins where man's power ends. (George Muller)

Years ago, the Lord placed a burden upon my heart to "build a place of rest" for fellow believers.  The following is an excerpt from a letter that I wrote regarding this calling that the Lord continually presses upon my heart --a calling that my husband and I share together. It is my "impossible" prayer request:

We want to eventually open our home to any Christian who is in need of solitude, direction, time away in a quiet setting for prayer, any Christian who would like to come away and seek the Lord for a time, who is weary, going through a severe trial and needs a respite, etc.

We would also like it to be open to Pastors, missionaries, laypeople who are seeking a time of rest and refreshment in prayer, solitude, working on a book project, seeking direction in their life, etc.

We would greatly appreciate your prayers.

What we would in essence like to do is to purchase a piece of land in a somewhat secluded setting, but close enough to a town, city, etc. where we could be connected with a local doctrinally-sound, Spirit-filled church.

Our hope is to first set up our home as a resting place and later possibly add small cabins where people could come and stay without charge.

We desire to develop the property in such a way to preserve the land in its natural beauty, but also to eventually add walking trails, benches, gardens, maybe a small chapel, etc. as a place of beauty, quietness, and prayer.

We are also hoping to have a time of fellowship, prayer and singing hymns once a week for anyone staying at the time and for anyone who would like to join us.

Years ago, I felt it placed upon my heart from the Lord to call this place Herrnhut (“The Lord’s Watch/Shelter”) after the Moravian Count Von Zinzendorf’s establishment  for persecuted Moravians.

We are asking for your prayers . . . please uphold us and lift us before the throne of grace as the Lord places it upon your heart. Our desire is that He would be glorified and that as E.M. Bounds says, 

"What the Church needs to-day is not more machinery or better, not new organizations or more and novel methods, but men whom the Holy Ghost can use -- men of prayer, men mighty in prayer. The Holy Ghost does not flow through methods, but through men. He does not come on machinery, but on men. He does not anoint plans, but men -- men of prayer."

Please pray for us . . . 
Thank you, dear friends. 

So I share these things with you and I ask for your prayers. Ask that the Lord would open a door that no man could shut and that He would turn this impossible situation into an opportunity to show His glory. We have come to a dead end, humanly speaking, but the Lord is able to make the desert into springs of water and the wilderness a road. 

These are the specific ways that you could pray for us:

• For my mother's house (on the market now) to sell. We live with my mother and are waiting until her home sells to move forward with the ministry that the Lord has placed upon our hearts.
• For the Lord's direction and provision.
• For the Lord to place our need for prayer upon His people's hearts. 

Thank you for your prayers. 



You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, Motivate and Rejuvenate Monday Link-Up

My Ungodly Struggle to Get My Family Ready for Church (And How it Became A Godly Struggle)

Warmth pulsing through my body, I struggled to put on some makeup before church. 

Suddenly, the back door opened, right near the bathroom where I was standing haggardly in front of the mirror.

My brother-in-law had opened it, and the wild crisp wind bit through my woolen sweater.

And I was sweating; the air felt so wonderful. I thought longingly of the icy winter chill and half-seriously contemplated running outside and jumping into one of those great snowbanks heaped in our backyard. 

So. hot. And my layered turtleneck beneath the thick wool of my sweater was beginning to overwhelm me. 

Why did I think that it would be a good idea to wear high-heels again (even if they were perennial Misses "I Love Comfort " brand?) when I had to carry an 8-month old on my hip whilst balancing a diaper bag, a handbag, and a two-year-old in the other hand? 

I was already tottering.

And the smoke was beginning to rise from my unrighteous nostrils.

Elisha, tucked into his little car behind me, began to make shrieking noises -- apparently, I was taking a little too long putting on the makeup. 

I could hear little Debbie puttering about in the kitchen -- oh dear -- running around the kitchen and the chaos was beginning to close in around me on this fine Sunday morning -- day of rest, day of peace and tranquility and holiness and oh wait--

"Debbie, be gentle to Mr. P. !" (my sister's half-crippled pug.)

"I am being gentle, Mommy," she answers, as I see Mr. P. nervously scoot to the other side of the room. 

"Can I have some orange juice, please?"

"We don't have orange juice, Debbie-" (interject Elisha's shrieking) "Mommy has to buy some at the store tomorrow."

Oh, why did I wear a woolen sweater???

My husband comes down the stairs, three different ties hanging over his arm. 

"Which one should I wear with the outfit you picked out for me?

(Elisha shrieking)

Debbie running around the kitchen table, pausing to happily remove the shoes I had just put on her feet for church.

"Anything! Anything matches!" Exasperation gets the better of me after the stress of trying to organize everyone, everything and somehow do it in time for church -- and later in the van as we drive for 20 minutes, I have a chance to catch my breath before the next flurry of activity.

This is not what I want my Sunday morning to look like. 

This is not how I want my children to think of Sunday mornings -- as chaotic times of haze before we rush into the car for church and sit sheepishly in the pew. 

We have very little children; there will be some chaos -- there is no way to ensure that everything will run smoothly on a Sunday morning. 

But I want my family's "struggle" to get ready for church, to get ready for worship, to be a Godly struggle -- and I want my struggle to be a Godly one as well. Not a frustrated, overwhelmed, burdened struggle that I later need to repent of. 

And these are some practical things that the Lord has laid on my heart that have helped to turn the ungodly struggle into a Godly one. 

And before the "practical" comes in, we have to realize that the root is a heart issue -- a "mood" issue -- and, as Oswald Chambers says, "moods go by kicking." 

And moods go by surrendering and submitting and trusting in the One who created little children and Sunday mornings and who gives us the grace to overcome and to hold on to His joy through the struggle of it all. 

So here they are -- helpful to me, and maybe to someone else, too:

• Prepare clothing the night before -- this includes ironing -- and lay out each family members' outfits for the next day.

• Wash hair, take showers, baths, etc. the night before. Minimize the amount of time spent in the bathroom on Sunday morning.

• Remind children that Sunday is a special day, a set-apart day. Make Sunday "Special" in the way that you talk about it as a family -- as something that is exciting and delightful, not a burden or another "item " on an already-overflowing schedule.

• Keep Sunday activities to a minimum. Focus on spending time worshiping the Lord, with other believers, etc. Emphasize the importance of this to your children. 

• Wake up a little earlier than usual on Sunday morning to ensure a little bit of extra time to get ready.

• Pack the diaper bag the night before as well as changes of clothes, books, snacks, etc. and put these together near the door. 

• When things don't flow smoothly, laugh, pray, and do the best you possibly can to get the family to church on time. Don't panic; pray. 

These are practical steps that have helped us as a family. Sunday mornings usually go more smoothly when we put them into practice. It will never go perfectly -- and that's where His grace comes in. No matter how "prepared" we are, there will always be disturbances, distractions, interruptions, diapers that need to be changed at the last minute, and cranky toddlers. 

But He gives His grace. And as we seek Him and pray to Him and ask Him to fill our hearts with thankfulness, He will transform our Sunday mornings. And our ungodly struggle will become a place of praise to show forth His glory.  

You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays

Monthly Book Giveaway--A Passion for the Impossible: The Life of Lilias Trotter

*For more information about Monthly Book Giveaways click here .

I am delighted to begin these Monthly Book Giveaways with one of my most favorite books, a book about a woman who lived a beautiful surrendered life, through the grace and power of Jesus Christ.

Lilias Trotter was an artist turned missionary -- From the wealthy class in England, she gave up a comfortable life, trusted her fragile health into the hands of her Mighty God, and turned her back upon a promising career as an artist to serve the Lord Jesus as a foreign missionary. This book is wonderfully written; Miriam Huffman Rockness does a magnificent job as the biographer of Lilias Trotter. I pray that this book will encourage you as it has encouraged me.  

From the back cover:

This is the story of the woman whose life of faith and devotion inspired the hymn "Turn your Eyes Upon Jesus". Although art critic John Ruskin enthusiastically proclaimed Lilas Trotter's potential as one of the best artists of the nineteenth century, her devotion to Christ compelled her to abandon the life of art, privilege and leisure she could have enjoyed.

Without knowing the language and without the sponsorship of any organization, Lilias left her London home of comfort for a modest dwelling in Algeria, where her love of literature and art became dynamic tools for evangelism, and where her compassionate heart captured the hearts of the people. For forty years, despite frail health and many obstacles, Lilias devoted herself to missionary service among the people of Algeria through her lifestyle of love and encouragement.

"(Christians') works do follow them." wrote Lilias. In writing of this truth, she prophetically supplied a perspective of her own legacy--and the legacy of all who invest in the kingdom of God.

"I am astounded by...the beautiful expression of who Lilias was and what her legacy teaches us. I couldn't put (the book) down, as they say, and I read it--devoured it--carefully, gladly, and with great blessing...a "drop everything book"!    --Elisabeth Elliot, author and speaker.

"Miriam Rockness (has done) a painstakingly superb job of researching original documents. Her book is (filled) with quotes that will challenge the reader's faith and obedience to God...a fresh look at another one of England's distinguished missionary pioneers..."   --Jim Reapsome, review for Evangelical Missions Quarterly

ENTER THE GIVEAWAY! :-)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays

This Last Surrender--Releasing March 19, 2015

This Last Surrender, 
A Devotional Written by Rebekah Neal

From the back of the book . . . 

Are you weary in spirit – looking for deep rest?

Are you thirsty in your soul – needing living water?

Do you long for a word of encouragement, helping you to persevere through the seeming monotony of motherhood, the press of modern culture, and the difficulties of the Christian life?

Savor This Last Surrender, a 31-day devotional adapted from some of the most beloved posts from Rebekah Neal’s blog “Ready to be Offered.” Here, you’ll discover a respite – not an escape; a time of refreshment rather than of distraction; and an opportunity to surrender daily everything – heart, soul, mind, and body – to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

You’ll find each day’s selection includes nourishing quotes from past Christians who have walked the narrow way before us, as well as a heart-softening, soul-enriching selection from Rebekah. Ranging from, “Why It’s Not About Losing the Last Ten Pounds,” to “Is He Enough?”, Rebekah handles topics close to almost every woman’s heart with unswerving Scriptural faithfulness and love.

Every daily reading includes questions for prayer, journaling, or small-group discussion.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

You might find me on these link-ups:


Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays

An Interview with Audrey Broggi, Part 2

This week, we're continuing with Part Two of the interview with Audrey Broggi. Audrey is the wife of Dr. Carl Broggi (from Search the Scriptures ministries and the Pastor of Community Bible Church in Beaufort, S.C.). She leads the women's ministry there -- Mothering from the Heart -- a ministry that has greatly helped and encouraged me on my own mothering pilgrimage. When I wrote to Audrey, she graciously agreed to do this interview, which I pray will be a great blessing to those who read it. She has been a role-model in my life for her strong and uncompromising stand on Biblical womanhood and parenting. I encourage you to glean from her insights and her Godly, encouraging wisdom from God's Word.

Click here to read Part One.

Your ministry, Mothering From the Heart, has had a profound impact upon the lives of so many women. How did this ministry begin and grow?

What started as a heart for my family and biblical mothering - teaching the practicality of the Bible to my own children and others they brought home has grown into my teaching the practicality of God's Word to women as well. My heart's desire has always been to know God intimately, to obey Him earnestly, and to see His hand in the small, everyday moments of life.
So with that heart, I opened my home and invited women in our church to come and together we'd study the biblical principles of mothering.  I told them that I was just passing on to them what God was teaching me.  I told them that I didn’t have it all together or all figured out - that the “jury,” so to speak, was still out in terms of my own family.  BUT, God’s word is true and I was clinging onto Him for dear life.
My first study brought so many women.  My living room was packed - standing, in the hall, up the stairs.  I was - I don’t know - amazed and thankful.  But I was also struck with the need.
We gathered for 6 weeks and explored the Scriptures together, laughed, and prayed.  Then when the first study concluded, other women asked when I would teach it again.  so I did - and then when our first building was built, we held it there.  Which eventually led to a conference and many since then.

How do you believe Mothering From the Heart has impacted the lives of women and their families over the years?

All I know is what I hear from women who write to me.  Their lives are forever changed as they see the beautiful design from Scripture and apply His word.  Perspective makes all the difference in the world.

Why do you see a need for the traditional role of motherhood to be reinforced and embraced within the church and as a testimony to the world that we live in?

God created family - He knows how best it should function and work.  When Christian families live out His design, the gospel is proclaimed.

Your authenticity and “down-to-earth” approach with women as well as your compassion and refusal to compromise regarding the principles of the Scriptures are so refreshing. How have you experienced women benefiting from such a straightforward approach to God’s Word?

Again, I can only share what women share with me.  They seem to appreciate the truth.  Serious women don’t want to be entertained.  They want the truth.  They see the foolishness of the world and they also realize that too many women Bible teachers don’t really speak to the real struggles of life in the home in terms of how the Bible can come to life in terms of
loving a difficult man or raising sinful children.  Women can be all “superspiritual” with their gal pals but the rubber meets the road in the home.  When the husband says something or does something mean or insensitive, when the kids are fighting, when food burns, when the baby is teething and fussing 24/7, when life is chaotic,  women must learn how God’s word is real in the middle of their domestic lives.  It’s not just about being at some women’s event or having me-time.  I see my role as filling up the tanks of women so they can walk with God no matter what life throws at them.  My heart is that after being at one of my studies or retreats, they would be refreshed to do what God has called them to do. And know that He is faithful.  Women don’t need some list - they need God.

How did raising your own children teach you more about the joys and difficulties of mothering?

Life is fleshed out in the home.  While a woman doesn’t have to be a wife or a mother to teach the truth of God’s word, those things certainly give her experience.  I think of Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort,  who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.  For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ. But if we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; or if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is effective in the patient enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer; and our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort.

Wow, think of the implications of this for mothers who want to help other mothers.  If we will take seriously our struggles and learn what God wants to teach us through them, we have something to pass on.  Not just opinions, but truth.

How does your relationship to Jesus Christ impact your views on mothering and the home?

His Word is the foundation of all I believe and teach concerning mothering and the home.

What spiritual battles have you come up against through refusing to compromise on the principles that God lays out in His Word?

Without being specific, sometimes women get angry with the message but they project the anger on me.  That’s ok.  I try to be gentle when talking about hot button issues but often that doesn’t matter to a woman …

Who are some of your favorite women of the faith, past or present? Why?

In terms of well-known Christian women, I would say Elisabeth Elliot and Nancy DeMoss. Both are strong believers and as far as I know, have never compromised the truth of Scripture as it concerns women’s issues.
I especially appreciate Nancy because as a single woman, she has been faithful to know and understand and teach not only God’s good design for being single, but also His good gifts of marriage, children, and the home.

It is clear from your and your husband’s ministries that Scripture is central to your practical decisions and in your walk with the Lord. Why do you believe that the Word of God must be the basis for the way that we practically live out our Christian walk?

Since He is our Creator, He knows how we should live.  Even if I don’t understand, He is good.

Is there any final advice that you would like to give to wives and mothers who are striving to live their lives in a way that is pleasing to the Lord?

I love the beginning of Hebrews 12: Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us (those men and women of faith listed in Hebrews 11), let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us (women must be honest about their distractions and encumbrances and get rid of both “OK” things and sin), and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus (not on other women), the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
 For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.
There is so much in this world to grow weary of and lose heart over.  BUT as we fix our eyes on Jesus, He carries us and gives us hope.

Thank you so much for sharing this wisdom with us, Audrey. It has been such a blessing to have you here. God bless you as you continue to serve Him through your ministry to women.


You might find me on the following link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays

Sex, Bondage, Fantasy . . . and Embracing What is Real

I'm res-sharing this article that I wrote a few years ago and praying that it might be helpful to someone today. 

Note: This post contains adult material that is intended to shed light on a subject that has been on my heart for awhile now. The church as a whole is affected by it; marriages, families, women, and men are affected by it. The content is not appropriate for children. 

"You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons; you cannot partake of the Lord's table and of the table of demons. Or do we provoke the Lord to jealousy? Are we stronger than He? All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify. Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being."

I Corinthians 10:21-24

“'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'"

--Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

The Velveteen Rabbit has always been one of my favorite children's stories . . . In it, a little boys's toy bunny is loved "enough" to make him real. Real . . . a real rabbit--no longer a toy, a plaything. Love made him real, lifted him out of the realm of fantasy. Gave him flesh and bones and life and breath.

Love made him real. 

A movie. Hitting the box offices for Valentine's Day, the day of love, the day of romance and roses and marriage proposals and moonlight kisses and flowers. 

The day of love. 

This movie, Fifty Shades of Grey, descends on the public like a dark phantom, a dark phantom shrouding the message of real love and real sex and real life and real romance.

Where one man's sexual fantasies* take a garish diabolical twist--and real love is sucked up like ashes into the violence of a windy night. 

Everyone's curious, and everyone wants to hop on the bandwagon to taste the forbidden fruit, this forbidden fruit of hellish fantasy. 

A Cinderella story turned topsy-turvy and somehow twisted. Twisted and softly gathered into the slithering body of that deathly beautiful serpent of old. Enticed until we're slowly squeezed to death and the venom has gone to our hearts. 

Enticed by fantasy. Enticed by the forbidden, the unknown. Enticed by the promise of a more exquisite pleasure via something different.

Maybe we're just curious. 

And maybe we're not going to try the BDSM lifestyle, but are there whispers of it in our relationships? Are there whispers of it in our bedrooms, in the way that we approach intimacy, in the way that we relate to our spouses?

Some years ago, I came across a book that was written by a mainstream evangelical Christian sex therapist, Douglas E. Rosenau.  

In my spirit, I sensed that something was wrong (and I felt that he was much more explicit than necessary), but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. 

Looking through it again, I found the section that really troubled me. A section on Fantasy. Sexual fantasy--and in it, he recommended creating, acting out our sexual fantasies with our spouses--(i.e. an erotic encounter on the beach), and using sexual "props" such as garters, black stockings, feathers, and satin gloves.  

All of these things, when used with our spouse, have the potential to aid us in our lovemaking, he claimed, and to enhance our sexual experience. He asserts that sex is roughly 80% "fantasy," and 20% "friction." 

He writes,

Fantasy gives your imagination the opportunity to add variety within your marriage without the destructiveness of greener grass. You can go to Hawaii or the Riviera; you can make love on a secluded beach; you can enjoy all over again favorite times with your mate. 

One woman was curious about what it would be like to make love to a different man. What she needed, however, was mental variety and a better sex life rather than an entirely different man. She needed to remember that one body is pretty much the same as another. Her more basic curiosity was a special mood, some novel experiences, someone to touch her sensuality in deeper and more exciting ways. An affair may very well not meet these needs and would certainly destroy the honesty and trust of her marriage. If she was willing to work at it with her husband, she could meet her needs wonderfully with him." (A Celebration of Sex, by Douglas E. Rosenau)

. . . Fantasy gives your imagination the opportunity to add variety within your marriage without the destructiveness of greener grass . . . 

Fantasy . . . the opposite of Reality. So, if you or your husband is dissatisfied in your mutual sexual relationship, seek fantasy . . . seek fantasy, but seek it within the "boundaries" of your marriage. The creative possibilities are endless; fantasy is the answer to dissatisfaction. 

Is it? 

And how "far" should we go in seeking fantasy? What is permissible? Where is the "line drawn?" Especially if both partners are on the "fantasy" bandwagon together?

May I suggest that there is no "line?" That treading in the deep waters of sexual fantasy is actually working to destroy marriages, not to build stronger intimacy within them? And that once "fantasy" is sought within sexual relationships, deeper and deeper and deeper levels of fantasy will be sought after as dissatisfaction sets in. 

The rot of sugar in the teeth doesn't make the mouth sweeter, it only gives a person cavities--the decay of death. 

As the writer of this book clearly states, Fantasy is not Reality. He points this truth out, while at the same time endorsing "healthy" fantasy- seeking within marriage, where both partners are in agreement. And to be fair to him, he warns against manipulation and other unhealthy sexual practices.  

However, there is a difference between having intimate "fun" with our spouse and embracing sexual fantasies, which, I believe, is where the lines are "blurred," and the danger sets in. 

Because where does fantasy stop? And where does it ultimately lead? 

Someone might argue, "What about children? Are they wrong to use their imagination, to live as it were, in "another" world, in a world of make-believe, of fantasy?" 

But children fantasize so that they can learn to live in the real world, because they are learning to live in the real world. 

My little two-year-old pretends to make tea so that she will know how to make tea in the future--her "fantasy" leads to the reality of a future pot of tea. Her childish playing at making tea is not a diversion from Reality, but a step towards it. Reality is the ultimate goal. The opposite of this scenario would be a regression--an adult who already understands the "reality" of tea-making, and yet seriously pretends to make a cup of tea is regressing into an imaginary situation of his or her own mind, a departure from Reality. 

And what about fantasizing about your spouse? About the last shared intimate encounter? What about re-living that scenario in your mind and desiring further intimacy with your spouse as the result of those thoughts? 

The crux of the matter is this: when we imagine the reality of the last encounter with our spouse, it leads to a deeper reality (and there is no sin in that, taken at face value). When we choose to fantasize about non-reality (and then "insert" our spouse), it leads into deeper fantasy. 

Reality moves us towards our spouse; fantasy builds a barrier. 

When we seek fantasy, we are moving away from true intimacy, not toward it. 

In Christian marriages, (where a Christian spouse is trying in their own strength to remain faithful to their spouse, despite dissatisfaction in their marriage and sexual relationship) fantasy becomes a substitute for pornography, a substitute for real intimacy. 

Until that too, becomes "old." And what then is left?

The world seeks fantasy. The world grapples with the Real and because it doesn't understand Christ, it does not understand Reality. 

Because Christ is Reality. Christ is the Real--the same yesterday, today and forever-the most Real of the Real that there is. 

Christ is Reality. Life and breath and blood and sinew and bone. 

He is the I Am. And when we embrace Him as our Bridegroom and Lover and Friend and Savior and Lord, we are not embracing a fantasy, but the Reality of all Reality. 

We are His Bride. 

And His relationship with us is a model for intimate relationships. 

Our relationships must be real. 

Full of love, true love, the love that is of God--the love that makes all things Real. 

Fantasy . . . seeking an escape---seeking something "different," seeking the forbidden fruit in an already perfectly-satisfying Eden-garden of beauty and ten thousand delights. 

But in our sinfulness, we desire the fruit we cannot have--and in doing so, we violate the One who created us and the ones whom we claim to love. 

When we seek fantasy in our relationships with our spouses--we place a barrier to true intimacy. Whether we want to admit it or not, they are now held to the standard of "fulfilling" our fantasies. 


Our spouses become "playthings," toys for us to toss about according to our whims and fancy. Toys that have no real voice, no real flesh to flesh connection--no heart connection. 

Because Fantasy is a selfish attempt to satisfy in us what only God can satisfy. 

Only God can meet our deepest needs. Only God can heal us from the old sexual habits that we may have had before we were believers. Only God can cleanse and purify our hearts and minds and give us a true intimate, Real connection between our spouses through His redeeming work in our hearts. 

The woman who is dissatisfied with her husband doesn't need various and creative sexual experiences with her husband; she doesn't need to seek fantasy. 

And what if she fantasizes about a tan, chiseled, muscle-man and her husband is a 130 pound unsculpted computer whiz? The absurdity of the situation breaks through . . . 

If she shares her "fantasies" with her husband, how will he perform to her satisfaction? He may make a feeble attempt, but he will feel unloved and inadequate in the process (and constantly think that he doesn't live up to his wife's fantasy). 

Because she doesn't need to seek a fantasy; she needs to seek Jesus Christ. 

She does need another Man . . . Jesus Christ. 

The Man who will fulfill her deepest needs utterly and ultimately. The Man who will show her the greener grass of His presence and love and grace.

To bring healing and grace to her relationship with her husband . . . whether the lack of feeling she has for him is a result of her husband's treatment of her over the years and lack of true loving intimacy, or whether it is because she has a wayward heart and a wandering eye. 

She needs Jesus Christ to bring Reality into her relationship with her husband. The Reality of faithfulness. The Reality of perfect love. The Reality that drives out bondage and fear and dissatisfaction. The Reality that brings life. 

Fantasy destroys and distorts. Sex based in fantasy robs the intimate relationship of the Joy of Reality and freedom. Because when we are "Real" we don't need to "perform" for our spouse. We are free to be the men and women that God created us to be. 

Not human sex toys . . . not playthings. 

But beloved children of God. 

I asked my husband, "Can you imagine the Bride of Christ in a hula skirt?" (the sex therapist that I was referencing earlier had brought up a similar scenario in his book for spouses to build an intimate fantasy with).

"I'm trying not to," was his pert reply. 

And I can't. Because the Jesus that I know and love and worship seeks the best for His Bride . . . not a kinky fantasy . . . He is Real and loves. 

Loves us into Real life. His life. 

And the love of Christ pours breath into our hearts.

Not bondage to what is not Real, to fantasy.

But freedom--to love and to live. 

And when we embrace what is Real, we become who we are--sons and daughters of the living God. 


*Using the definition of sexual fantasy as an erotic mental thought of an imaginary situation that one desires to re-enact with another in order to derive pleasure; an escape from Reality into the realm of the imagination/creating an imaginary erotic situation and then inserting one's spouse into it. 

You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays