Target, Transgenderism, and the Toughest Love

What you applaud you encourage, but beware what you celebrate... 
~Ravi Zacharias

We went to an Amish nursery the other day. And we bought some flowers and we walked around and we petted the sweet puppies that this simple hard-working Amish family is selling. 

And I quietly marveled at the order and the neatness and the attention to detail and the unusual beauty of it all. 

Another world. 

I wanted to linger there awhile. 

I think that the Amish understand something that most of us have lost -- something that my mom often reminds me of--

That underneath the pavement, the concrete, the constructions and buildings and noise  (and the wild rush and race of "progressive" civilization) is dirt. 

Simple, unassuming, real, gritty dirt. 

A reminder of where we have all come from and where our physical bodies will eventually return. 

Every person -- from dust to dust. 

And what we do here with this tiny span of life given to us -- minute in the hush of the infinitesimal song of eternity -- matters. 

We get so caught up in sipping our Starbucks and planning our next vacation and worrying about clothing, food, shelter, and what we will do for retirement--

That we forget that what we do here matters, really matters.

I signed a petition the other day. 

I signed a petition, but I had already stopped supporting Target some months before, after it had taken an activist stance supporting LGBT marriage. 

I don't like Wal-Mart; I never really have -- but I have been shopping there for awhile now. 

Because my conscience was pricked -- and I could no longer in good conscience push those sleek red carts at Target and hope for a sale on over-priced clothing. 

My conscience was pricked -- as much as I am able I try not to support businesses that openly push an agenda that brazenly and pompously flies in the face of God's express commands. 

Christ's sacrifice  was too costly -- and I cheapen grace when I make light of His Word by supporting those who do--

And I realize that it is impossible to remove our financial support from every secular institution that runs in some or in many ways, contrary to the Word of God -- we cannot live in a bubble and there are times when we buy meat in the temple. 

But for me, as much as I am able, I would rather support businesses and individuals who align themselves more closely with value systems that are not death-producing. 

I realize that this is not possible in every circumstance -- but we have to humble ourselves before God and before our fellow Christians and ask ourselves as individuals and as the Bride of Christ, purchased with His blood -- Are my actions/decisions pointing people towards Christ and His truth, or away from Him? 

We do not need to be afraid of transgender individuals -- people just like us -- in sin just as we were before Christ,  who desperately need Him and we hold the Word of Life -- Who will bring it to them? 

We do not need to fear "giants" like Target, who try to push and push and push their liberal agenda until it suffocates and kills us--

But I have to ask--where are the Davids who will stand and hurl the stone of the Word of God at its ugly, leering, menacing head?

And I didn't decide to stop shopping at Target because I'm afraid of a transgender individual molesting my child -- I will be honest (although I understand that there are legitimate concerns about a child's safety in these new and unusual situations in our "brave new world").

What I fear more than these things is Christians who make light of supporting or not supporting businesses who are taking an activist stance regarding issues that are black and white--

What I'm concerned about is Christian modesty blogs continuing to advertise for companies like these who are openly paving the way for Christian persecution and encouraging others to buy their clothing and accessories. We have to be honest with ourselves: Do we love money or the Word of God? 

What I'm concerned about is our witness to our weaker brothers and sisters in the Lord who, by observing our support of businesses that are taking an open, activist stance against the principles in the Word of God, may think that we agree with them and may think that what they are doing is at best "not a big deal," and at worst, OK. 

For a long time now, and we are all guilty of this as believers, we have at first shyly and then increasingly brazenly lived as if nothing really matters outside of the express commands of God--

But things like this matter -- and the world is watching. 

Because there is a point when a store crossed over from its usual secular agenda to an activist one -- when it is brazenly taking a stand against the basic principles of God's Word--

And it is not the transgender individual that we need to be afraid of -- it is our own complacency. 

Dietrich Bonhoeffer says--

Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.

Sometimes we need to just step back and look at the dirt. We need to remember Who made us. We need to remember where we came from -- We need to press His truth and His Word and His principles to our hearts and ask ourselves whether we love Him enough to stand -- or whether we are clutching the concrete of this world. 

There is evil enough in this world to stand against. 

So stand. 

We need to stop wavering between two opinions -- the world doesn't need wishy-washy Christians -- it needs the Truth -- spoken in love, lived in love-

So stand. 

You might find me on these link-ups:


Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, Inspire Me Monday, Literacy Musing Mondays, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, Motivate and Rejuvenate Mondays,, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, Testimony Tuesday, Tell His Story, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Women With Intention Wednesdays, Messy Marriage, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Theology Thursdays, Children Are A Blessing, Imparting Grace, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Thought Provoking Thursday, Count My Blessings, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Blessing Counters Link Party, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, Faith and  Fellowship Blog Hop, Motivate and Rejuvenate Monday Link-Up, A Little R&R Wednesdays. TGI Saturdays Blog Hop. Totally Terrific Tuesday, RaRaLinkup, Word of God Speak, Booknificent Thursday, So Much At Home Link Up Party

Swimsuits, Sports Illustrated, and the Safest Place

When God speaks, oftentimes His voice will call for an act of courage on our part.

~Charles Stanley

Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened.
~ Billy Graham

My husband and I were nearing the end of a Wal-Mart shopping "adventure" :-) with our almost-two-year-old and three-year-old. The end was in sight, and the checkout line awaited our happy souls, glad to be preparing for our "final descent" and entrance back into the sunlight. 

When I saw it. Staring at me from the end of the checkout line. The notorious Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, and as my husband with his quirky humor aptly described it -"There was a whole lot of swim, but not very much suit." 

I'm used to seeing tabloids with voluptuous figures emblazoned across the front gracing the checkout lines of our "liberated" society, but this one was over the top - and something that children should not be exposed to. My first reaction was to hurriedly place a seemingly less "toxic" magazine across the front of the Swimsuit issue, but then I thought twice about it. 

I am not by nature a bold person. But there are times when the "fire enters my bones," so to speak, and I feel that the Holy Spirit is urging me not to remain silent. As a customer of Wal-Mart, I should be able to express an opinion or voice a concern - as a follower of Jesus Christ, I should be willing to step out of my comfort zone and speak the truth in a loving fashion, even if it is not welcomed or appreciated, even if it is ignored or if I am laughed at -  and so I did. 

Taking the whole stack up to the cashier, I asked him respectfully if this was something that he would want his children to see, explaining that these types of magazines are usually covered or placed in a separate "non-child-friendly" aisle. Surprisingly, he seemed to agree, or at least acquiesce, assuring me that he would voice my concern. My husband took a step further, expressing our concern to one of the managers of the store, who also seemed to agree that the magazines should be covered or kept out of the view of children. 

I honestly doubted that anything would come of it. I would just have to keep covering up the offending Sports Illustrated issues with Good Housekeeping magazines whenever I exited Wal-Mart. 

But the next time we shopped there, they were gone - the management must have taken our concern to heart and covered them or placed them in a less conspicuous place, at least. 

It was worth it to "speak up; " we did it kindly  and we did it graciously, and the Lord touched the hearts of the management. 

And this experience reiterated to me the importance of speaking the truth in love, of living out our faith in Christ through our daily actions and interactions with unbelievers, and with slowing down our pace enough to be concerned about the direction that the world is going--because it will surely impact the future of our children. 

Because as Christians we should care - and no, we should not be worried, not be consumed, not be taken up in cultural issues in the sense that we forget that this world is not our home, but we have a responsibility. 

To our children, to our fellow humans, to our God - to preserve truth as much as it depends upon us - to speak when we are given the opportunity, to dam up the floods of ungodliness before their toxic waste overpowers the culture utterly and completely and irrevocably. Do we care enough?

How can we be silent who hold the truth? In the face of evil, how can we remain silent? 

Our pastor is preaching through the book of Esther, and I think of Mordecai's words to his cousin that he recently preached on -

For if you remain completely silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14 NKJV)

Esther's response - prayer, fasting, and - ultimately - boldly speaking the truth.

The result was deliverance. Life. 

If we remain utterly silent, will our consciences perish with the culture? Will we remain unscathed? Can we know God in truth if we are ashamed to speak it? Do we even care enough to pray about the issues impacting our culture...?

These are questions that I must ask myself. 

I have heard Christians say or infer that their calling is not to offend, only to connect with others on issues that are edifying. 

But I say this boldly -- truth is edifying -- truth spoken in love and with grace and with a good conscience before God edifies and revives and ultimately brings life instead of the lukewarm waters of death.

You may lose "followers" on your blog. You may lose friends. You may lose popularity.

Do we realize that there are believers in other countries who lose their lives for the sake of truth? 

What is Christ worth to us? Do we love Him even enough to warn those around us? To protect our children, our families, our own souls? 

Are we willing to speak truth? 

And we think that we will have to go out on a limb and risk it all if we really take Christ seriously. And we are afraid. We are afraid of losing our comfort, our friends, our life as we know it. 

It seems unsafe.

And yet, following Jesus Christ is the safest place. The place where the rock meets our feet, the unsinkable sand, the Refuge, and the Retreat of our hearts. 

For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? (Matthew 16:25-26 NKJV)

All other ground is sinking sand. All other gain is loss. 

And sometimes we're just too caught up in the cares of this life to care - the vacations, the luxuries, the comforts... until we surrender all -

As He did - the One Who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life -

The Truth sets us free. 

And speaking it in love is life. 

May we find it - and rest for our souls - in His Safe Place, the place of life. 

But we never can prove

the delights of His love,

Until all on the altar we lay;

For the favor He shows,

And the joy He bestows,

Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet

We will sit at His feet,

Or we'll walk by His side in the way; 

What He says we will do;

Where He sends we will go,

Never fear, only trust and obey.

~ John Henry Sammis

	Suggested Resources:

The Cost of Discipleship, by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

The Triumph of John and Betty Stam, by Mrs. Howard Taylor

Don't Waste Your Life, by John Piper 

Absolute Surrender, by Andrew Murray

Imitation of Christ, by Thomas A' Kempis

 A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael, by Elisabeth Elliot

You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, Inspire Me Monday, Literacy Musing Mondays, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, SDG Gathering, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, Motivate and Rejuvenate Mondays,, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, Testimony Tuesday, Tell His Story, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Women With Intention Wednesdays, Messy Marriage, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Theology Thursdays, Children Are A Blessing, Imparting Grace, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Thought Provoking Thursday, Count My Blessings, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Blessing Counters Link Party, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, Faith and  Fellowship Blog Hop, Motivate and Rejuvenate Monday Link-Up, A Little R&R Wednesdays. TGI Saturdays Blog Hop. Totally Terrific Tuesday, RaRaLinkup, Word of God Speak, Booknificent Thursday, So Much At Home Link Up Party

Sex, Bondage, Fantasy . . . and Embracing What is Real

I'm res-sharing this article that I wrote a few years ago and praying that it might be helpful to someone today. 

Note: This post contains adult material that is intended to shed light on a subject that has been on my heart for awhile now. The church as a whole is affected by it; marriages, families, women, and men are affected by it. The content is not appropriate for children. 

"You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons; you cannot partake of the Lord's table and of the table of demons. Or do we provoke the Lord to jealousy? Are we stronger than He? All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify. Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being."

I Corinthians 10:21-24

“'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.'"

--Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

The Velveteen Rabbit has always been one of my favorite children's stories . . . In it, a little boys's toy bunny is loved "enough" to make him real. Real . . . a real rabbit--no longer a toy, a plaything. Love made him real, lifted him out of the realm of fantasy. Gave him flesh and bones and life and breath.

Love made him real. 

A movie. Hitting the box offices for Valentine's Day, the day of love, the day of romance and roses and marriage proposals and moonlight kisses and flowers. 

The day of love. 

This movie, Fifty Shades of Grey, descends on the public like a dark phantom, a dark phantom shrouding the message of real love and real sex and real life and real romance.

Where one man's sexual fantasies* take a garish diabolical twist--and real love is sucked up like ashes into the violence of a windy night. 

Everyone's curious, and everyone wants to hop on the bandwagon to taste the forbidden fruit, this forbidden fruit of hellish fantasy. 

A Cinderella story turned topsy-turvy and somehow twisted. Twisted and softly gathered into the slithering body of that deathly beautiful serpent of old. Enticed until we're slowly squeezed to death and the venom has gone to our hearts. 

Enticed by fantasy. Enticed by the forbidden, the unknown. Enticed by the promise of a more exquisite pleasure via something different.

Maybe we're just curious. 

And maybe we're not going to try the BDSM lifestyle, but are there whispers of it in our relationships? Are there whispers of it in our bedrooms, in the way that we approach intimacy, in the way that we relate to our spouses?

Some years ago, I came across a book that was written by a mainstream evangelical Christian sex therapist, Douglas E. Rosenau.  

In my spirit, I sensed that something was wrong (and I felt that he was much more explicit than necessary), but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. 

Looking through it again, I found the section that really troubled me. A section on Fantasy. Sexual fantasy--and in it, he recommended creating, acting out our sexual fantasies with our spouses--(i.e. an erotic encounter on the beach), and using sexual "props" such as garters, black stockings, feathers, and satin gloves.  

All of these things, when used with our spouse, have the potential to aid us in our lovemaking, he claimed, and to enhance our sexual experience. He asserts that sex is roughly 80% "fantasy," and 20% "friction." 

He writes,

Fantasy gives your imagination the opportunity to add variety within your marriage without the destructiveness of greener grass. You can go to Hawaii or the Riviera; you can make love on a secluded beach; you can enjoy all over again favorite times with your mate. 

One woman was curious about what it would be like to make love to a different man. What she needed, however, was mental variety and a better sex life rather than an entirely different man. She needed to remember that one body is pretty much the same as another. Her more basic curiosity was a special mood, some novel experiences, someone to touch her sensuality in deeper and more exciting ways. An affair may very well not meet these needs and would certainly destroy the honesty and trust of her marriage. If she was willing to work at it with her husband, she could meet her needs wonderfully with him." (A Celebration of Sex, by Douglas E. Rosenau)

. . . Fantasy gives your imagination the opportunity to add variety within your marriage without the destructiveness of greener grass . . . 

Fantasy . . . the opposite of Reality. So, if you or your husband is dissatisfied in your mutual sexual relationship, seek fantasy . . . seek fantasy, but seek it within the "boundaries" of your marriage. The creative possibilities are endless; fantasy is the answer to dissatisfaction. 

Is it? 

And how "far" should we go in seeking fantasy? What is permissible? Where is the "line drawn?" Especially if both partners are on the "fantasy" bandwagon together?

May I suggest that there is no "line?" That treading in the deep waters of sexual fantasy is actually working to destroy marriages, not to build stronger intimacy within them? And that once "fantasy" is sought within sexual relationships, deeper and deeper and deeper levels of fantasy will be sought after as dissatisfaction sets in. 

The rot of sugar in the teeth doesn't make the mouth sweeter, it only gives a person cavities--the decay of death. 

As the writer of this book clearly states, Fantasy is not Reality. He points this truth out, while at the same time endorsing "healthy" fantasy- seeking within marriage, where both partners are in agreement. And to be fair to him, he warns against manipulation and other unhealthy sexual practices.  

However, there is a difference between having intimate "fun" with our spouse and embracing sexual fantasies, which, I believe, is where the lines are "blurred," and the danger sets in. 

Because where does fantasy stop? And where does it ultimately lead? 

Someone might argue, "What about children? Are they wrong to use their imagination, to live as it were, in "another" world, in a world of make-believe, of fantasy?" 

But children fantasize so that they can learn to live in the real world, because they are learning to live in the real world. 

My little two-year-old pretends to make tea so that she will know how to make tea in the future--her "fantasy" leads to the reality of a future pot of tea. Her childish playing at making tea is not a diversion from Reality, but a step towards it. Reality is the ultimate goal. The opposite of this scenario would be a regression--an adult who already understands the "reality" of tea-making, and yet seriously pretends to make a cup of tea is regressing into an imaginary situation of his or her own mind, a departure from Reality. 

And what about fantasizing about your spouse? About the last shared intimate encounter? What about re-living that scenario in your mind and desiring further intimacy with your spouse as the result of those thoughts? 

The crux of the matter is this: when we imagine the reality of the last encounter with our spouse, it leads to a deeper reality (and there is no sin in that, taken at face value). When we choose to fantasize about non-reality (and then "insert" our spouse), it leads into deeper fantasy. 

Reality moves us towards our spouse; fantasy builds a barrier. 

When we seek fantasy, we are moving away from true intimacy, not toward it. 

In Christian marriages, (where a Christian spouse is trying in their own strength to remain faithful to their spouse, despite dissatisfaction in their marriage and sexual relationship) fantasy becomes a substitute for pornography, a substitute for real intimacy. 

Until that too, becomes "old." And what then is left?

The world seeks fantasy. The world grapples with the Real and because it doesn't understand Christ, it does not understand Reality. 

Because Christ is Reality. Christ is the Real--the same yesterday, today and forever-the most Real of the Real that there is. 

Christ is Reality. Life and breath and blood and sinew and bone. 

He is the I Am. And when we embrace Him as our Bridegroom and Lover and Friend and Savior and Lord, we are not embracing a fantasy, but the Reality of all Reality. 

We are His Bride. 

And His relationship with us is a model for intimate relationships. 

Our relationships must be real. 

Full of love, true love, the love that is of God--the love that makes all things Real. 

Fantasy . . . seeking an escape---seeking something "different," seeking the forbidden fruit in an already perfectly-satisfying Eden-garden of beauty and ten thousand delights. 

But in our sinfulness, we desire the fruit we cannot have--and in doing so, we violate the One who created us and the ones whom we claim to love. 

When we seek fantasy in our relationships with our spouses--we place a barrier to true intimacy. Whether we want to admit it or not, they are now held to the standard of "fulfilling" our fantasies. 


Our spouses become "playthings," toys for us to toss about according to our whims and fancy. Toys that have no real voice, no real flesh to flesh connection--no heart connection. 

Because Fantasy is a selfish attempt to satisfy in us what only God can satisfy. 

Only God can meet our deepest needs. Only God can heal us from the old sexual habits that we may have had before we were believers. Only God can cleanse and purify our hearts and minds and give us a true intimate, Real connection between our spouses through His redeeming work in our hearts. 

The woman who is dissatisfied with her husband doesn't need various and creative sexual experiences with her husband; she doesn't need to seek fantasy. 

And what if she fantasizes about a tan, chiseled, muscle-man and her husband is a 130 pound unsculpted computer whiz? The absurdity of the situation breaks through . . . 

If she shares her "fantasies" with her husband, how will he perform to her satisfaction? He may make a feeble attempt, but he will feel unloved and inadequate in the process (and constantly think that he doesn't live up to his wife's fantasy). 

Because she doesn't need to seek a fantasy; she needs to seek Jesus Christ. 

She does need another Man . . . Jesus Christ. 

The Man who will fulfill her deepest needs utterly and ultimately. The Man who will show her the greener grass of His presence and love and grace.

To bring healing and grace to her relationship with her husband . . . whether the lack of feeling she has for him is a result of her husband's treatment of her over the years and lack of true loving intimacy, or whether it is because she has a wayward heart and a wandering eye. 

She needs Jesus Christ to bring Reality into her relationship with her husband. The Reality of faithfulness. The Reality of perfect love. The Reality that drives out bondage and fear and dissatisfaction. The Reality that brings life. 

Fantasy destroys and distorts. Sex based in fantasy robs the intimate relationship of the Joy of Reality and freedom. Because when we are "Real" we don't need to "perform" for our spouse. We are free to be the men and women that God created us to be. 

Not human sex toys . . . not playthings. 

But beloved children of God. 

I asked my husband, "Can you imagine the Bride of Christ in a hula skirt?" (the sex therapist that I was referencing earlier had brought up a similar scenario in his book for spouses to build an intimate fantasy with).

"I'm trying not to," was his pert reply. 

And I can't. Because the Jesus that I know and love and worship seeks the best for His Bride . . . not a kinky fantasy . . . He is Real and loves. 

Loves us into Real life. His life. 

And the love of Christ pours breath into our hearts.

Not bondage to what is not Real, to fantasy.

But freedom--to love and to live. 

And when we embrace what is Real, we become who we are--sons and daughters of the living God. 


*Using the definition of sexual fantasy as an erotic mental thought of an imaginary situation that one desires to re-enact with another in order to derive pleasure; an escape from Reality into the realm of the imagination/creating an imaginary erotic situation and then inserting one's spouse into it. 

You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays