Sunday, March 3, 2013

Why Did I Begin This Blog?

Who knew that when I became a mother there would be so little time? So little time and yet so much—scraps and smidgens and traces of time—napping times and feeding times and weekend times and times when she falls asleep on my lap and I must be still and middle of the night times when I just can’t fall back to sleep.

So little time and so much and thoughts racing, racing through my head and blood pumping through my heart, a heart that has begun to skip beats under the stresses and strains of this new and beautiful and fearsome thing called motherhood.

So thoughts racing through my head and feelings and convictions and I want to write and convey the ideas and the offerings of hope that I’ve gained through suffering and struggling and trying and failing and trying and taking strength from One who is greater than I am and who breathes His strength through my weakness and prays for me when I cannot find the words with “groans too deep for words.”

He is enough, His strength is enough, His grace is enough, and if these things were not true, if Jesus were not enough then life would not be worth living and this blog would not be worth writing and I would probably be in a different place—fulfilling my once-dream of becoming—becoming an English professor, or singing professionally, things that I once thought gain to me.

Yet now I have learned, through suffering, through submission, through listening, that my becoming is not in myself, but in Him, in becoming who He wants me to be, in doing that which He has called me to do, in fulfilling the ministry that He has placed upon my life-conscience, to spend and to be spent not for myself, but for Him. And in seeking Him first, ultimate fulfillment comes. And I can live and breathe and walk without fear in this frightening world, being light in the ever-increasing darkness. For as George MacDonald says in his work Lilith, “It is always darkest before the dawn,” the dawn of the new creation, of a new heavens and a new earth, in which glory dwells.

Martin Luther, that savory old Reformer, so man-earthy and so heavenly-minded once wrote, “the pen is mightier than the sword,” and he was right. The pen sets the sword to play, or the pen quiets it.

I want my “pen” to speak truth, not just to pour forth my own drivel-rantings. Then it would not be worth it to write. But I want to write and I want to write truth, and to edify. I pray that this blog may be edifying to one or to many. It is my creative project, my painting, my thought-prayer-release.

The name of the blog is “inspired” by a Lillias Trotter writing on submission to the Lord Jesus in every area of life, that the body may become a willing vessel to serve Him in this swift-fading world. She gleans her idea from the words of Paul where he confides to His readers and pours onto paper for the church just before His imminent death: “"For I am now ready to be offered.” II Timothy 4:6.

It will probably cover many topics, from motherhood to marriage, to the Christ-life, to my sorrows and my standings and my fallings and my joys. You may not agree with everything I write—good! As Ruth Graham says, “Where two people always agree, one is unnecessary.” Disagree, disagree prayerfully, disagree based on your own conviction from the Word of God. But let us both grow nearer to the God of the Word, who never changes and whose Word is truth, Who is the Word. There are many sides of the mountain, as my “unorthodox,” and yet so truly orthodox sister likes to say, but one mountain; remain faithful to Him and follow the convictions that He places upon your heart through the Word, in prayerfully seeking Him. May we both grow together in grace and may this blog, these writings, glorify the God-Man, to Whom one day, every knee will bow and all mysteries be revealed.

For we are to live our lives in such a way that our heart speaks back to the Savior who lived it first: “Now I am ready to be offered . . .” For isn’t this whole life a preparation for the next, a daily learning submission and readiness to be offered unto Him in every place of every day, whether consciously or subconsciously? May He teach us and chisel us and soften us and shape us, as our hearts cry out for readiness, to be offered unto Him.

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