Monday, November 17, 2014

Beauty in the Dying

The fast-dimming sky peered back at me, unmoved and I drew my jacket around me closer, shuddering a little. 

November-brisk days and soon it will be too cold to bring my babies outside before supper. 

The trees seemed to stare at me, emotionless, and the dim, dull ache inside bit away at my sagging spirit. 

I looked above, and there was the great, strong tree in our backyard, stripped bare of almost all of its leaves, its glory quick-departing. 




I felt like that tree as I stared back at it, stared back at it against the backdrop of the unfeeling sky, oblivious to the cries of my soul. 

Felt like that tree stripped of its leaves - felt like it right down to the physical reality of shedding away almost half of my hair in the shower--great wet clumps every time I washed it, my strength seemingly stripped away and my body, tired and drained, all-spent from giving life to one baby after the other. 

Life. . . 

And the leaves lay on the ground, dying, while the world spun and I was lost in my thoughts of sorrow that seemed to swallow all of me up and spin me out there on the cold November ground among the lonely, life-stripped leaves.


Lost in my reverie, a baby sleeping peacefully against me, I could not shake myself from the sorrow-

The sorrow of tasting death there in cold November,

The sorrow that was robbing me of joy in the month of culminating thanksgiving. 

I could not shake away the sorrow, and my very body felt, was weary, drained, seeming-useless. 

Until a breath of warmth spoke, there to my lifeless heart among the fallen glory of the leaves--

There is a beauty in the dying---



And no, no, not in death, not in death itself, because death is cold and harsh and ugly - like the sparrow that I saw lying on the ground outside as I walked into church this morning, wet-washed and spit out of the night into that brisk November morning--

Death is ugly--

He remembers each sparrow that falls to the ground...

Beauty in the dying, in the all-abundant colors of the falling leaves spinning to the ground, their last glory bathing the earth in beauty. 

Beauty in surrender, in the giving, in the seed thrusting itself from the flower, falling, falling, dying, into the ground to be buried during the barren freeze of Winter. 

Beauty in the offering, in the sweet scent of the incense rising from the altar. 

Beauty in the dying. 

Death is swallowed up in victory.



So I sat outside today in November and the Lord spoke to me there where I was, among the dying leaves, into my own feelings of dying, of changing, of growing older, of letting my own life become lost in the lives of my babies, become a seed buried in the ground--

Though the outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day... 

And the sweetness of that truth plucked away the bitter-sadness in my heart -

My outward person is perishing - my body is changing, growing older, slowly losing strength and youth--

But my inward person - being renewed day by day as He grows me in conformity to His dear Son - His Son who died -

Arms outstretched in giving life -

His death birthed my life -

And beauty sang for me in the dying.

I hear a robin. Then, in November, its sweet voice laughing through the pain, into the soon-coming dusk. 



The robin sang for me, for all of creation. 

Spring is coming, the great sweet Spring that will swallow up sadness and fear and death forever -

When every tear will be wiped away, and death will be swallowed up forever

Sang for me - beautiful in the dying day -

Sang of life eternal to my soul. 



You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on EarthThe Modest MomWhat Joy is Mine, Yes They Are All Ours, Missional Call, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every SeasonA Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Messy Marriage, My Teacher's Name is Mama, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Count My Blessings, Beauty Observed, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul SurvivalGood Morning Mondays

23 comments:

  1. You've written some beautiful posts! I'm blessed to have read back through a few! I believe the Lord has gifted you with wisdom beyond your years. Please keep writing! Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia

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  2. Oh, thank you for your encouragement, Cynthia! I'm so glad that you have been blessed through the writings--have a wonderful week :-).

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  3. What beautiful words!! Thank you for sharing this at Home Sweet Home! Surrender is a BIG word. You translate this well.
    Sherry

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    1. Thank you, Sherry; I'm so glad that it was a blessing! :-)

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  4. I have seen the beauty in the dying in other people's lives… I have prayed for the same… yet I'm still terrified that God may answer my prayers.
    Praise God that He is Sovereign and brings us through the flames for His glory, through the storm into the sunshine of His presence.
    Your words are beautiful and inspired Rebekah. Thank you!

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    1. Adelaide, I'm so glad that the words were an encouragement--may the Lord Jesus fill us with His grace as we surrender to Him--I love the way that you described it--"through the storm into the sunshine of His presence." He is beautiful . . .

      The Lord bless you, Adelaide :-)

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  6. What a beautiful, beautiful post, thank you for sharing it at Good Morning Mondays. You are such a blessing.

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    1. Thank you, Terri; I'm glad that you enjoyed it! Have a blessed weekend! :-)

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  7. What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your heart.
    Kathi at Oak Hill Homestead

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    1. You're welcome, Kathi; have a wonderful weekend! :-)

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  8. Beautiful. This is the first post of yours I have read.
    O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ.
    Thank you for sharing!

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    1. You're welcome, Kristi; have a blessed weekend!

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  9. I'm visiting from Recommendation Saturday. What a beautiful post! Blessings to you.

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    1. Thank you, Lisa! Blessings to you, also!

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  10. This is beautiful. I was lamenting to my husband last night...not wanting to go back, but realizing my first baby is now 16 and although we also have a 2yo, I'm the older mom...there won't ever be that time again of me with 1 little baby, or two little ones...But going back to that place means I would not be the momma of 7. Just a reflective place right now I guess.

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    1. Jenny, I understand what you mean about being at a reflective place; I've felt that way, too, lately--maybe it's the time of year, maybe it's the Lord speaking to our hearts--probably both!

      The Lord bless you, Jenny :-).

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  11. What a moving post! Praying your spirit has been lifted. Thanks for linking up at Mondays @ Soul Survival. Happy Thanksgiving!

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    1. Thank you, Donna; Happy Thanksgiving to you, also! :-)

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  12. Beautiful! Thank you for sharing at Theology Thursdays!!!!

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