A Knife Dipped in Blood~~The Deadly Peril of Pornography

This post is part of a series of posts on marriage/relationships. I pray that this "mini-series" would be a blessing to you! Please feel free to share any of your own thoughts in the comments; I would love to hear them! 


If you are new to this series, you can find the Introduction HERE, Part 1 HERE , Part 2 HERE, Part 3 HERE, Part 4 HERE., and Part 5 HERE.

Please Note: This post contains adult material that is not suitable for children. 

We use a most unfortunate idiom when we say, of a lustful man prowling the streets, that he “wants a woman.” Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want.

He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition (one does not keep the carton after one has smoked the cigarettes).

Now Eros makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman. In some mysterious but quite indisputable fashion the lover desires the Beloved herself, not the pleasure she can give.
~C.S. Lewis

Lust is a poor, weak, whimpering, whispering thing compared with that richness and energy of desire which will arise when lust has been killed.
~C.S. Lewis

I can still remember a sermon I heard years ago from Dr. Charles Swindoll. I was listening to the local Christian radio station in the car and I had pulled into the driveway. He was talking about the danger of pornography. An image that he used cut into my soul in a way that made me shudder. I don't remember all of the specifics of the sermon, but one description stayed with me. He carefully depicted the way in which (I think that perhaps it was the Eskimos) would dip a knife in blood in order to kill a wolf. They would cover the blade in the scarlet substance, and then place the razor-sharp edge sticking up out of the snow. The wolf, hungry, would smell the blood and begin licking the knife. Eventually, as you can imagine, his own tongue would be cut and he would begin to lick his own blood without realizing it. In this way, he would feed on his own blood, ultimately bleeding to death and perishing in the bitter cold. 

Swindoll then went on to relate this story to the manner in which pornography slowly weakens and then kills the soul. 

Pornography. We think that it will feed us, satisfy us. But instead of nourishing, it actually accomplishes the opposite. It drains us of all that is true and pure and good. 

Sometimes it seems so innocent. A little taste here; a lick there. Until the stream begins to flow and we are strangling on our own blood. 

Pornography destroys. It crushes. We think that it is giving satisfaction, but it is really robbing us of that which is truly life-giving.

We live in a time when it is looked upon so lightly, laughed off, even--Oh, every man struggles with that--

But I believe that in not adopting a more serious attitude toward this sin, we weaken ourselves, we weaken our marriages, we weaken the church as a whole, and we become unfit for ministry in any way. 

We need to take pornography seriously. We need to kill lust in our lives before it kills us, before it kills our families, before it kills our souls and sears our conscience until it is dead. 

Our families are at stake. Our marriages are at stake. Our souls are at stake. 

You have heard that it was said to those of old,‘You shall not commit adultery.’But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. (Matthew 5:27-29 NKJV)

 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. (I Corinthians 6:18-20 NKJV)

We may so weaken the voice of the Spirit in this area that we will be rendered spiritually useless. I believe that this happens in many men's lives (as well as women's) and this is one of the reasons that the Church is so powerless and ineffective today. 

These are three ways that I believe pornography damages and destroys and then ultimately kills the soul--I am sure that there are more--

It damages our marriages

Pornography kills romance. It deadens our own souls against the soul of our spouse. I know that some may disagree with me, but I believe that viewing pornography when one is married is quietly committing adultery against their partner. This is why the Bible exhorts us to "flee immorality." Because it is so grievously damaging. Besides hurting ourselves, it also wounds the ones we claim to love. The late Pastor Adrian Rogers said that once a man breaks trust with his wife in his marriage, it may take years to repair the breach because a woman's emotions are so sensitive. Many men feel that pornography is no big deal and that women just need to get over it. But I believe that it may be difficult even after the woman has genuinely forgiven her husband, to  easily "get over" her husband's actions. The sting of his deception and betrayal may remain for years and make it difficult for her to relate to her husband sexually or in other ways. This is one of the consequences of "soft" adultery. 

It damages our relationship with God

Pornography immediately places a barrier in terms of our relationship with God. The more that we view it and engage in practices associated with it, the more our hearts are hardened, our consciences are seared, and we deaden the voice of the Holy Spirit. 

It damages the church as a whole

Because we are weakened spiritually when we engage in viewing pornography, the church as a whole suffers. There is sin "in the camp," and so the church cannot go forward spiritually. I truly believe that this is one of the reasons for the weakness of the American church--unconfessed sin that is taken lightly and is causing our souls to rot in the blazing sun. Only true repentance and turning away from sin will bring cleansing and revival. 

~~~

Lust needs to be killed in our lives, not stroked gently, not hidden away and then taken back out, not ignored, but killed. 

Ultimately, feeding on lust shows that we are seeking satisfaction outside of Christ. We are discontent and that discontentment flows into the utter selfishness of taking that which promises to fill our deepest need. 

We are empty and so we seek a temporary fix. We fill our souls with poison and refuse the Great Physician who would heal us if we would only run to Him, run to the Self-Giving One who alone can satisfy us.

I speak mostly to men, but I know that there are also women who struggle in this area. 

I'd like to add a note here--the answer to a man's problem with pornography is not ultimately that his wife needs to fulfill him more sexually. It is true that a woman is biblically constrained  to join together with her husband (I Corinthians 7:3-5). It is also true that this becomes a joy when her husband treats her with gentleness and loves her as Christ loves the church and that it becomes a painful act of obedience when she is not treated that way. 

A man's problem with pornography is not ultimately the failing of his wife, but the failing of his own disobedience and failure to resist evil through the power of the Holy Spirit.

We need to take responsibility for our own actions and stop placing the blame on someone else--stop using someone else's perceived disobedience to give us an excuse to continue sinning. And we do this when we blame our wives (or husbands) for our sin when we feel that they are failing to fulfill us sexually. 

What we need is not an attitude of making excuses and of indulging the flesh, but an attitude of cutting off that which is causing us to sin. 

There is a scene in the movie Fireproof where the main character Caleb, uses a baseball bat to destroy his computer. He is struggling with pornography and realizes that he needs to get rid of that which is causing him to stumble.  His wife is not fulfilling him sexually (which he gives earlier as one of his excuses for looking at pornography). But then Caleb turns to the Lord in repentance and begins to treat his wife in a loving, sincere, and gentle way. It takes time because he has wounded her so deeply, but eventually his wife responds to him and their love is rekindled. 

There are times when we need to "cut off our hand," and nothing is too radical if it is causing our relationship with Jesus Christ to suffer and our soul to wither and die. 

Do you struggle with pornography? Repent, turn to the Lord and He will give you the strength to overcome it. 

I have read articles that talk about how the pornographic images that a man or woman sees may never be erased because of the chemicals that seeing these images triggers. 

I believe that this is true, hence the peril of exposing oneself to these images--but I also believe that the Lord is able to miraculously redeem all things and to remove our sins as far as the east is from the west. 

I believe that the Lord is able to refresh and restore marriages, hearts, and consciences that are seared when we turn to Him and turn away from that which is destroying our souls. He is able to redeem. He will redeem. 

So turn to Him. Turn away from the darkness and deception of self fulfillment and let your fulfillment be found in the Person of Jesus Christ. 

He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we ask or think. He can cleanse and purify. And He will--to those who run to Him. 

.

This was a helpful article for further reading (clickable link).



You might find me on these link-ups:


Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, Inspire Me Monday, Literacy Musing Mondays, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, Raising Homemakers, Classical Homemaking, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries,  Testimony Tuesday, Tell His Story, Women With Intention Wednesdays, Messy Marriage,  Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Imparting Grace, Thought Provoking Thursday, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Counting My Blessings, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, TGI Saturdays Blog Hop, RaRaLinkup, Word of God Speak, Booknificent Thursday, Living Proverbs 31, Sharing His Beauty Blog Linkup, Coffee For Your Heart Weekly LinkUp, You're the Star Blog Hop, Homesteader Hop, Fresh Market Friday, Heart Encouragement Thursday , Sitting Among Friends Blog Party

A Woman Who Fears the Lord

Note: This post is part of a series of posts on marriage/relationships. I pray that this "mini-series" would be a blessing to you! Please feel free to share any of your own thoughts in the comments; I would love to hear them! 

You may read the Introduction to the series HERE. 

Last week, I shared some characteristics of a man who is sensitive to the Spirit of God. This week, I'd like to share a list of qualities of a spiritually-sensitive woman that I brainstormed. I pray that these insights might be an encouragement to you as you ponder and pray over them--I know that they have challenged me--

In my own interactions with other believers and in my reading, I have often come up against the either stated or implied idea that a woman's actions will change the heart of her husband.  I have heard teaching on this subject that places guilt and responsibility upon a woman's shoulders that was never placed there by the Lord in Scripture. Biblically, we are called to--

be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.  (I Peter 3:1-2 NKJV)

The key word in that passage is "may." Not "will," but "may." All that we can do as believing women is to obey the express commands in Scripture, keep our focus upon Christ (not upon our husband, ultimately), and pray--sometimes with fasting. Will the Lord change the heart of an unregenerate or unrepentant husband? He may. But He never in Scripture places the responsibility for our husband's conversion or confession upon us. Each person is responsible for their own sins before God. Our husbands will stand or fall before Him for his own sins, as we will for ours. The important thing is to keep our eyes fixed upon Jesus Christ--and the outcome is in the hands of the Lord. 

I don't believe, and I am coming from a very Conservative background and interpretation of Scripture, that a woman needs to "cower" beneath a tyrant. And I see this principle strongly played out in the life of Abigail (see I Samuel 25), who respected and obeyed her husband, but only until his will conflicted with her Heavenly Father's. We do not blindly submit (and I'd like to go into this subject more deeply in another post), but for now, I will just say that we are only responsible to do what we are commanded in Scripture to do. No more. And that will eliminate so much of the worry and fear that is placed upon women in marriages today who are desperately trying to fix their husbands and go to any lengths to do so. I'd like to delve more into this subject in another post and so I will conclude this one now with the list of character traits of a godly and gracious woman. May the Lord help us and give His grace to us in every way as we seek to become more like Christ! 

A woman who loves Christ Jesus with all of her heart (Mark 12:30)

A woman who knows and loves Scripture (Hebrews 4:12, John 8:32, Psalm 119)

A woman who encourages her husband in the ways of the Lord (I Thessalonians 5:11)

A woman who is strong in the Lord~powerful examples~~Jael and Deborah (Judges 4), Esther (book of Esther), Ruth (book of Ruth)-- to name a few.

A woman who will not compromise under pressure (Matthew 24:13, James 1:12))

A woman who loves her children and makes sacrifices for them (Titus 2:4-5)

A woman who puts her own needs after the needs of others (Philippians 2:1-4)

A woman who gives generously (II Corinthians 8:1-15)

A woman who trusts God with her future (Proverbs 31:25)

A woman who clothes her family well -takes care of the needs of her family (Proverbs 31:21)

A woman who is sensitive to those who are hurting (Colossians 3:12-13, Proverbs 31:20)

A woman who is not frivolous (I Peter 5:8-9). And I cannot help interjecting here Mr. Knightly's words from Jane Austen's Emma--"Men of good sense do not want silly wives!" ;-))

A woman who is thrifty  (Proverbs 31:27)

A woman who brings honor to her husband (Proverbs 31)

A beautiful woman--beautiful because she reflects Christ (I Peter 3:3-4)

A woman who walks by faith (II Corinthians 5:7)

Please join me next week for the next part in this series! I am hopeful and excited for how the Lord will work through our marriages as we submit ourselves to His leading and love. 



You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, Inspire Me Monday, Literacy Musing Mondays, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, Raising Homemakers, Classical Homemaking, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries,  Testimony Tuesday, Tell His Story, Women With Intention Wednesdays, Messy Marriage,  Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Imparting Grace, Thought Provoking Thursday, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Counting My Blessings, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, TGI Saturdays Blog Hop, RaRaLinkup, Word of God Speak, Booknificent Thursday, Living Proverbs 31, Sharing His Beauty Blog Linkup, Coffee For Your Heart Weekly LinkUp, You're the Star Blog Hop, Homesteader Hop, Fresh Market Friday

The Kind of Man She Wants

Note: This post is part of a series of posts on marriage/relationships. I pray that this "mini-series" would be a blessing to you! Please feel free to share any of your own thoughts in the comments; I would love to hear them! 

Chivalry in love has nothing to do with the sweetness of the appearance. It has everything to do with the tenderness of a heart determined to serve. You must not act under the impetus of charm, but out of a commitment to make someone's life the joy you want it to be. 

~ Ravi Zacharias

A man must at times be hard as nails: willing to face up to the truth about himself, and about the woman he loves, refusing compromise when compromise is wrong. But he must also be tender. No weapon will breach the armor of a woman's resentment like tenderness. 
~ Elisabeth Elliot

What kind of a man does a woman long for? What kind of a man does she need? The world tells us that he should be handsome, successful, wealthy. Or maybe someone "cool," modern, and progressive. Someone who pushes against authority, someone who "breaks the rules." Or maybe someone who makes us feel good about ourselves. The list goes on and on. 

But as a woman and as a Christian, my heart longs for something deeper. Something purer and richer than surface, artificial qualities. As Christian women, we long for something that speaks to us on the inside of our souls, souls aching for the love and gentleness of Christ displayed to us through the actions of our husbands. A husband will never fill the place in our hearts that only Christ can fill. But he can, through his actions, take our hands and place them in the hand of Christ. And I think that this is why so many women feel hurt and confused in their marriages. Because, honestly, as the leader of their homes and as the visual representation of their wife of Christ, many husbands are not fulfilling this role. And so the wife stumbles, and searches to find His hand, the hand of Christ, in the dark, through the confusion of her husband's actions that are un-Christ-like. 

This is not true in every marriage. And it is a precious thing to see those marriages where the husband is selflessly serving his wife and family in humility and love (not perfectly, but obediently). But I will say that it is rare. And I write this post in part as a challenge to men to walk with the Lord in their daily lives, to step up to the plate, so to speak. To become the man that you were created to be through the grace and mercy of Christ. To stop thinking about your own selfish or even legitimate needs and how your wife is not fulfilling them and to treat your wife as Christ treats the church. To love her. To pray with her. To listen to her. To serve her. To bless her. To be Christ to her. I think that you will be very surprised by the response. And I think that you will see, in most cases, that your needs will be met in the process. It's a funny thing how women respond to men who cherish them and serve them by cherishing and serving that man in return. We are designed to respond that way. Do you want your wife to serve you? Serve her. Do you want your wife to be sensitive to your needs? Be a sensitive, gentle, Christ-like man. 

I have witnessed , in my own experience, so many marriages where the women are starving for their husbands to take Christ seriously and lead their families. Where the man is literally not allowing the woman to serve him through his own actions and lack of obedience where the woman would gladly do so. Men, this should not be! You are the Leader and Shepherd of your family under Christ. So shepherd them. Love them. Nourish them. Lead them to the cross. 

Of course, this is impossible in our own strength. And this is where the grace of God comes in. Obedience is never easy . . . it is remarkably hard. Especially where feelings are absent. But again, this is where the grace of God comes in. And we find that we can do all thing through Christ who strengthens us as we put our trust in Him and take those first baby-steps of obedience. The feelings will follow.

So what kind of man has the qualities that the Lord values, that He lays out in His Word? What kind of man has the heart of Jesus Christ and follows in His footsteps? 

I compiled this list of qualities in the kind of man who is seeking to imitate Christ in his relationships.. But before I share it, I want to make it very clear that no man (or woman) is perfect. As I discussed in my introduction, we have not arrived, but we are arriving. My husband, after reading this list, in his usual humorous way, quipped, --"It's nice to know you have low standards." :-) Grace is essential. Forgiveness is essential. No one is perfect . . . but we ought to be, as believers, seeking daily to emulate Christ, to become more and more like Him. Obedience is the only way, and it is the pathway to joy -- our own and the joy of others. Do you want to make your wife happy? Imitate Christ. Love her and cherish her as Christ does and would. I'd also like to say that this is not an exhaustive list. Rather, it is a list of character traits that I find, as a Christian woman, admirable. When a man is Christ-like, he is attractive. He may not be physically attractive, but he is spiritually attractive. The attractiveness that I am speaking about here is not a sensual one. It is a spiritual one. When a man emulates and seeks to imitate Christ, he becomes spiritually attractive to the extent that he imitates Christ. His life compels others to put their trust and faith in Christ. His life is a shining beacon, a breath of fresh air in a toxic society, a sweet aroma. He is attractive spiritually. And this is the kind of man that a Christian woman yearns for  . . .  because she feels protected and loved and cherished by him -- because he protects and loves and cherishes her as Christ would to the best of his Spirit-filled ability.  Here are some characteristics (and reminders from Scripture) that I brainstormed of a spiritually attractive man. Think about them, search the Word of God, and seek to put these into practice in your marriage . . . and the grace of Christ will fill you where you lack --

~A man who serves with his heart, from the heart -- not only with his head.

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. Mark 10:45 NKJV

~A man who is kind when he thinks that no one (important) is watching.

Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma. Ephesians 5:1-2 NKJV

~A man who respects authority.

Therefore submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, whether to the king as supreme, or to governors, as to those who are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and for the praise of those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men— as free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice, but as bondservants of God. Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king. 

I Peter 2:13-17 NKJV

Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same. For he is God’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. Therefore you must be subject, not only because of wrath but also for conscience’ sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for they are God’s ministers attending continually to this very thing.Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due,customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor.

Roman 13:1-7 NKJV

~A man who is sensitive towards children.
But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 19:14 NKJV

~A man who will not compromise under pressure.

Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. 

James 1:12 NKJV

~A man who is faithful with his body and with his mind.
But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:28 NKJV

~A man who does not demand submission.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

I Corinthians 13:4-7 NKJV

~A man who puts his own needs after the needs of his family. 
Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being.
I Corinthians 10:24 NKJV

(A beautiful example of this is the character of Joseph in the film The Nativity Story--well worth watching!)

~A man who leads.
But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
I Corinthians 11:3 NKJV

~A prayerful man.
...praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—
Ephesians 6:18 NKJV

~A man who loves the Word of God.
Your words were found, and I ate them,
And Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart;
For I am called by Your name,
O Lord God of hosts.
Jeremiah 15:16 NKJV

~A man who is humble. 
He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the Lord require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?
Micah 6:8 NKJV

~A man who is sensitive. 
I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
Ephesians 4:1-3 NKJV

~A man who is gentle to animals.
A righteous man regards the life of his animal,
But the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.
Proverbs 12:10 NKJV

~A man who dies daily (to his flesh).
For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.
Romans 8:13 NKJV

Difficult? Impossible? In a man's own strength, yes. But through Christ and in His grace--possible, beautiful, joy-giving, romance-inspiring, Follow in the footsteps of Jesus, and He will lead into all truth. For your joy, for His joy, and for the joy of your wife. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In this post, I focused on the man's response and responsibility in marriage. Next week, I'll be addressing the qualities and characteristics of a godly woman and how she may love and serve her husband through the grace of Christ. Please join me then! :-)



You might find me on these link-ups:


Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, Inspire Me Monday, Literacy Musing Mondays, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Cornerstone `Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, Raising Homemakers, Classical Homemaking, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries,  Testimony Tuesday, Tell His Story, Women With Intention Wednesdays, Messy Marriage,  Graced Simplicity, Children Are A Blessing, Imparting Grace, Thought Provoking Thursday, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Counting My Blessings, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, A Little R&R Wednesdays. TGI Saturdays Blog Hop, RaRaLinkup, Word of God Speak, Booknificent Thursday, Living Proverbs 31, Sharing His Beauty Blog Linkup, Coffee For Your Heart Weekly LinkUp, You're the Star Blog Hop, Homesteader Hop, Fresh Market Friday

Men At Home

Without the will, marriage is a mockery; without emotion, it is a drudgery. You need both." 

- Ravi Zacharias

In his beautiful, rich book, A Promise Kept, the late Robertson McQuilkin recounts a humorous but poignant story. (You can read more about Robertson McQuilkin here.)

McQuilkin was caring for his wife, Muriel in their home. He had resigned as President of Colombia Bible College in order to be her full-time caregiver, a conviction which he believed the Lord had personally placed upon his heart. 

Muriel had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's at a comparably young age and would often have accidents as her disease progressed and her memory worsened. She came to the point where she could not control her bodily functions and went to the bathroom on the floor. 

McQuilkin recalls cleaning the mess up, while at the same time trying to keep Muriel from "helping" him to clean (he was concerned that she would slip and hurt herself.) As he was cleaning, McQuilkin, who had been listening to a Charles Swindoll broadcast, suddenly heard Swindoll say "Men, are you at home? I mean, really, at home?" And McQuilkin, seeing the humor in the situation, replied, "Yeah, Chuck, really I am; do I ever wish I weren't?"

Men at home. 

And so often we hear of women at home. Women who speak glowingly of their husbands and their children. Women who value the title of wife and mother. Women who build their lives around their spiritual calling to fulfill the feminine roles that the Lord has entrusted them with. 

This is evidenced in the subject matter of many, many Christian women's blogs. Often, the focus is upon marriage, children, and other homemaking interests. Not always, but often.

It is a God-honoring focus. Women seeking to fulfill their God-given roles in the unique and personal ways that the Lord is leading them to fulfill them. 

But men... men at home? 

This is something that has been upon my heart, especially in light of the Josh Duggar scandal, as well as other recent incidences. 

Are our men really at home? 

And some of them are. Definitely are. Their hearts are "at home," serving Jesus in whatever vocation He has called them to, supporting their wives and children, loving the Lord with all their hearts and leading their families in worship and praise of Him. 

But we have to admit, if we really want to be honest before the Lord, some of them are not. 

And we love them, and we pray for them, and we want the best for them through the Lord, but their hearts, as it stands, are not "at home."

We want our men to be at home. With us. With our children. With their God. But they are not. Something else captivates them, whether it be work, a hobby, another "love." 

Something else captivates their hearts. And they are not at home. Not at rest. Not at peace with God and with their family. 

They may give lip service, but don't really care about spiritual matters. Or perhaps they have grown cold towards their First Love.

They are not at home. 

There are other men who give all the appearance of being at home. They attend church regularly. They fulfill their duties. They help around the house. They do what is required of them, and perhaps beyond what is required. 

But their hearts are not at home. Not really. Their heart is bound to their electronic device, or their social media, or their work. They are actors but not real men at home with beating hearts of love and devotion and joy and selfless sacrifice. 

They are lukewarm. 

A part that always makes me chuckle in the Disney movie The Aristocats involves the English geese and the male cat, O'Malley.  The female geese question whether or not the cat is married, and he evades the question. One of the geese looks him squarely in his shifty eyes and states--"You either are or you're not," To which he replies, "Alright, then; I'm not." 

We need men who are at home. Men who love the Lord with all their hearts and souls and minds and strength. Men who lead their families; men who take the hard, costly path of obedience; men who follow in the footsteps of our precious Savior. 

There are men at home.

I have seen them in action. I have read of them, watched them, looked up to them, appreciated their devotion, commitment and love.  

I thank God for the men who are truly at home.

What about those who are not?

The answer is not manipulation. It is not ungodly pleading. The answer is not to ignore the problem, to falsely convince oneself or others that a man is "at home" when he is not. 

The answer is prayer. It is fasting. It is pleading with God. 

The answer is surrender. Entrusting oneself and one's family over to a merciful and loving Heavenly Father. Entrusting the situation over to His love, knowing that He will work good from it. 

We all struggle with this malady. Sometimes we are not "at home." We are not in the center of God's will. We are running, either physically or mentally away from it; we are wasting the life that the Lord has given to us on things that do not matter. We are not "at home." 

May He have mercy upon us. May He work in our minds and our hearts and our homes to be faithful to Him, to love Him with our heart, soul, mind and strength. 

May He encourage men to become true men of God, leading their families in the ways of the Lord. May He strengthen women to be the discerning support of the head, praying, encouraging, strengthening.

May our families be built up in Him. 

Men at home. Women at home. Children at home. In Him. Because of Him. Only by His grace.

At home. 

You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, Inspire Me Monday, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, SDG Gathering, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, Motivate and Rejuvenate Mondays, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, Testimony Tuesday, Tell His Story, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Women With Intention Wednesdays, Messy Marriage, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Theology Thursdays, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Thought Provoking Thursday, Every Day Jesus, Count My Blessings, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Blessing Counters Link Party, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, Faith and  Fellowship Blog Hop, Motivate and Rejuvenate Monday Link-Up, A Little R&R Wednesdays. TGI Saturdays Blog Hop. Totally Terrific Tuesday, RaRaLinkup