Men At Home

Without the will, marriage is a mockery; without emotion, it is a drudgery. You need both." 

- Ravi Zacharias

In his beautiful, rich book, A Promise Kept, the late Robertson McQuilkin recounts a humorous but poignant story. (You can read more about Robertson McQuilkin here.)

McQuilkin was caring for his wife, Muriel in their home. He had resigned as President of Colombia Bible College in order to be her full-time caregiver, a conviction which he believed the Lord had personally placed upon his heart. 

Muriel had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's at a comparably young age and would often have accidents as her disease progressed and her memory worsened. She came to the point where she could not control her bodily functions and went to the bathroom on the floor. 

McQuilkin recalls cleaning the mess up, while at the same time trying to keep Muriel from "helping" him to clean (he was concerned that she would slip and hurt herself.) As he was cleaning, McQuilkin, who had been listening to a Charles Swindoll broadcast, suddenly heard Swindoll say "Men, are you at home? I mean, really, at home?" And McQuilkin, seeing the humor in the situation, replied, "Yeah, Chuck, really I am; do I ever wish I weren't?"

Men at home. 

And so often we hear of women at home. Women who speak glowingly of their husbands and their children. Women who value the title of wife and mother. Women who build their lives around their spiritual calling to fulfill the feminine roles that the Lord has entrusted them with. 

This is evidenced in the subject matter of many, many Christian women's blogs. Often, the focus is upon marriage, children, and other homemaking interests. Not always, but often.

It is a God-honoring focus. Women seeking to fulfill their God-given roles in the unique and personal ways that the Lord is leading them to fulfill them. 

But men... men at home? 

This is something that has been upon my heart, especially in light of the Josh Duggar scandal, as well as other recent incidences. 

Are our men really at home? 

And some of them are. Definitely are. Their hearts are "at home," serving Jesus in whatever vocation He has called them to, supporting their wives and children, loving the Lord with all their hearts and leading their families in worship and praise of Him. 

But we have to admit, if we really want to be honest before the Lord, some of them are not. 

And we love them, and we pray for them, and we want the best for them through the Lord, but their hearts, as it stands, are not "at home."

We want our men to be at home. With us. With our children. With their God. But they are not. Something else captivates them, whether it be work, a hobby, another "love." 

Something else captivates their hearts. And they are not at home. Not at rest. Not at peace with God and with their family. 

They may give lip service, but don't really care about spiritual matters. Or perhaps they have grown cold towards their First Love.

They are not at home. 

There are other men who give all the appearance of being at home. They attend church regularly. They fulfill their duties. They help around the house. They do what is required of them, and perhaps beyond what is required. 

But their hearts are not at home. Not really. Their heart is bound to their electronic device, or their social media, or their work. They are actors but not real men at home with beating hearts of love and devotion and joy and selfless sacrifice. 

They are lukewarm. 

A part that always makes me chuckle in the Disney movie The Aristocats involves the English geese and the male cat, O'Malley.  The female geese question whether or not the cat is married, and he evades the question. One of the geese looks him squarely in his shifty eyes and states--"You either are or you're not," To which he replies, "Alright, then; I'm not." 

We need men who are at home. Men who love the Lord with all their hearts and souls and minds and strength. Men who lead their families; men who take the hard, costly path of obedience; men who follow in the footsteps of our precious Savior. 

There are men at home.

I have seen them in action. I have read of them, watched them, looked up to them, appreciated their devotion, commitment and love.  

I thank God for the men who are truly at home.

What about those who are not?

The answer is not manipulation. It is not ungodly pleading. The answer is not to ignore the problem, to falsely convince oneself or others that a man is "at home" when he is not. 

The answer is prayer. It is fasting. It is pleading with God. 

The answer is surrender. Entrusting oneself and one's family over to a merciful and loving Heavenly Father. Entrusting the situation over to His love, knowing that He will work good from it. 

We all struggle with this malady. Sometimes we are not "at home." We are not in the center of God's will. We are running, either physically or mentally away from it; we are wasting the life that the Lord has given to us on things that do not matter. We are not "at home." 

May He have mercy upon us. May He work in our minds and our hearts and our homes to be faithful to Him, to love Him with our heart, soul, mind and strength. 

May He encourage men to become true men of God, leading their families in the ways of the Lord. May He strengthen women to be the discerning support of the head, praying, encouraging, strengthening.

May our families be built up in Him. 

Men at home. Women at home. Children at home. In Him. Because of Him. Only by His grace.

At home. 

You might find me on these link-ups:

Strangers and Pilgrims on Earth, Inspire Me Monday, The Modest Mom, What Joy is Mine, SDG Gathering, A Mama's Story, Mom's the Word, Rich Faith Rising, Time Warp Wife, Cornerstone Confessions, Mom's Morning Coffee, Motivate and Rejuvenate Mondays, So Much at Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Woman to Woman Ministries, Whole-Hearted Home, Testimony Tuesday, Tell His Story, A Soft Gentle Voice, My Daily Walk in His Grace, Women With Intention Wednesdays, Messy Marriage, The Charm of Home, Graced Simplicity, Theology Thursdays, Children Are A Blessing, Mittenstate Sheep and Wool, Imparting Grace, Preparedness Mama, A Look at the Book, Essential Thing Devotions, Thought Provoking Thursday, Every Day Jesus, Count My Blessings, Christian Mommy Blogger, Renewed Daily, Soul Survival, Good Morning Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Blessing Counters Link Party, The HomeAcre Hop, Mommy Moments Link Up, Grace and Truth Linkup, Faith Filled Friday, Saturday Soiree Blog Party, Tell It To Me Tuesdays, SHINE Blog Hop, Faith and  Fellowship Blog Hop, Motivate and Rejuvenate Monday Link-Up, A Little R&R Wednesdays. TGI Saturdays Blog Hop. Totally Terrific Tuesday, RaRaLinkup

Like My Daddy--A Word to Fathers

My Daddy left us. 

He took his things and he sauntered away with a chip on his shoulder and the world in his heart, the lust of the things of this life flowing through his deep red veins. 

And he took his things and he slammed the door on a past that he didn't want to bother with,  didn't have time for, didn't care about any more. 

Slammed the door on his family, on the God he claimed to know. 

My Daddy left. 

And I still hold on to strong memories from the time that my sisters and I were little girls, little girls who adored their Daddy, their Daddy with the strong, sinewy carpenter arms and the gruff truck-driver voice and the smell of sweat and cigarettes and coffee and cologne that was him. 

I remember--

The donut shop where I would order the chocolate sprinkled donut--the same kind that he ordered--to be like my Daddy.

Working in the yard and watching him labor there in the hot sun, even the strongest heat of the summer--he was a strong man. 

But not strong enough. 

And he could sweat and grow browner and browner and drink coffee in the sweltering afternoon and it didn't affect him. 

My Mama was always physically weak; but she always said that it was her weakness that humbled her and drew her to the Lord . . . 

So my Daddy was strong. And he could swing the hammer hard and I loved to work on projects with him and watch him pound the nails in deep and smell the delicious scent of sawdust and the motor of the saw. 

And I remember how he used to get up so early in the morning and make his thick, dark coffee and drink more than a cup or two. 

And he left for the cheap things in this life--the beer, the women, the glitzy thrills of a quick-night spent and a morning of regret.

He left the things of value.

Sold his inheritance for a bowl of soup and a pocketful of silver. 

The bread of life forfeited for a moldy, stale crust that is bitter to the taste. 

I loved my Daddy. 

I wish that things could've been different, but God gives a choice. 

And I speak these things from the hurt of a little girl, but also from the wisdom of the grace of healing and years and tears and surrender. 

The Lord gave me grace to experience His loving and continual healing in my life over my father's conscious and deliberate choice.

And that is the mystery of His will to me--

That He could give my Daddy a choice and "empty" me of the blessing of an earthly father who loved me--

And then fill that emptiness with Himself, the Father of my heart, the One who chose me from the foundation of the world--

The One who loved my Daddy, but gave him a choice. 

And my Daddy chose the world--over the woman who loved him more deeply than he knew how to love and the three little girls who belonged to him. 

Did he forget . . . ? That they belonged to him? That he was given a charge to be their earthly protector, provider, and example of Jesus to them? 

Did he forget? 

And the things of this world appear so lovely, all-polished and shiny and pleasant to the eye. 

But in the end, they bring forth sorrow and death and devastation and hurt. 

The hurt cut deep. 

And I pray that the pain that I experienced would be a lesson, a warning to other fathers, to other men. 

The pleasures of this world are fleeting--

Lay hold of Jesus, and embrace those things in Him that have lasting value. 

Be still before your God and turn your eyes away from looking at worthless things. 

And see the woman that you covenanted with and the children that she gave you as a beautiful gift, as a charge to keep, a charge committed to your trust. 

See the gift as precious; see Him as precious. 

So that you don't leave sorrow and pain in your wake, but grace and strength.

The strength of a man who loves his God and whose eyes "look straight ahead," straight ahead to Jesus, to glory, to peace. 

The strength of a man who loves his family and his children and who truly wants the best for them. 

Learn from the lesson of my father--

And embrace the high calling of the Great Father of our hearts. 


1. Carpenter
Photo credit: ajschroetlin / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC 2.0)

2. coffee
Photo credit:shoothead / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)