A Door in the Wall

"Some humble grow at last and still

And then God gives them what they will."

--George MacDonald

"In acceptance lieth peace."

--Amy Carmichael

It would work out perfectly; I could just see it in my mind's little eye--

My almost-two-year-old would sit cozily in my lap on the glider, attentive and cooperative. 

I would put my two-month-old in the baby swing right next to us; he would enjoy listening, too, and then cheerfully fall asleep while my voice droned on and on, a picture of contentment and baby bliss. 

Ten minutes later, the two-year-old squirming and whining, the two-month-old wide awake and wailing and I sitting all-forlorn with a book in my hand -- so I think, what went wrong? 

And I feel frustrated after the long morning and I'm over-tired and the tears well up--

And secretly--oh-so-secretly, I am upset (angry?) at God in this little event because He didn't allow things to go the way that I planned them. Wasn't it a good plan? Isn't it good to read books to my daughter? He wants me to be orderly and to have a schedule and to enrich my babies' lives, now doesn't He? 

And so I'm frustrated -- and I think, I should just give up. 

I think and I pout and I sigh and I listen to my babies'  wailing--

And then, by God's grace, I don't give up. 

I pray and I take my babies and we sit on the floor, one in my lap and one beside me and we read on the floor, and it works. 

Maybe not in the most comfortable way, maybe not in the way that I had planned it, but it works--

And my two-year-old is read to and my two-month-old is comforted and we go on. 

I accept the situation that God has handed me in His wisdom and we go on.  

The Lord has been teaching me something -- day in and day out -- teaching me something--

I haven't learned it (honestly) yet, but I want to--

Bringing that old Amy Carmichael poem to my mind -- many times--

Convicting me through it, placing it in my thoughts . . . 

That "in acceptance lieth peace."

There are situations in life that I have no control over, situations that to every appearance seem like "dead-end" streets, with nowhere to go and no way out. 

But they aren't, and like Marguerite DeAngelis speaks in the book that my sister urged me to read, there is a door in the wall. 

A door in the wall . . . an opening of grace at the acceptable time, when God in His wisdom deems it so, a door in the wall that seems so ominous and blank and unmoveable. 

A door in the wall. 

That will open. 

I have a choice. 

I can go through life, through each day as George MacDonald says, moaning and raving and scorning and frustrated that things are not going the way I want them to in the timing that I want them to be performed in, 

Or I can accept. 

Accept God's timing--that after I've worried and waited and prayed for a yes-right-now- accept His sovereignty--

The sovereignty of His love. 

"In acceptance lieth peace," a true peace, peace of the soul, though sometimes I'm loath to admit it. 

And I'm not talking about jellyfish-resignation, about giving up -- but about steel-determined acceptance of God's will for my life in the now -- in what He is handing me today. 

After the struggle, the acceptance comes. 

Then peace.

And the door in the wall opens. 

To read Amy Carmichael's poem, click here





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For the Love of a Rabbit

My Mama loves rabbits . . . 

And this morning in the quiet day, one of her beloved rabbits died. 

And her eyes tear-filled, she took up a broom and cleaned up the place where the little bunny made her home these last 5 or so years. 

My Mama loves rabbits, any living creature, really. And she keeps her bunnies in the house, litter-box-trained, near the chair where she sits and she reads. 

And she holds one of her rabbits at night, the one with the chewed-off ear, she holds him and she rocks him and she reads and she loves. 

Two rabbits now; she used to have three, and we use a child's play-yard so that they can each have their turn "coming out" from their cages each day. 

She talks to them and she spoils them and she buys them special treats and she worries over them when they are sick and she loves. 

But one of her house bunnies died today--her favorite one, the soft gray bunny with the wide eyes and the gentle, peaceful heart. 

Some people think that it's silly to love a rabbit. 

But I don't. 

And in some mysterious way, I believe that creation itself will be redeemed in the last day, the creation that groans, the creation that suffers now--

The birds and beasts and trees and flowers destroyed, tainted by the Fall--

I believe that creation itself will be redeemed. 

My Mama hinted at this to a woman once - said that she might see her dying pet again one day--

And the woman looked at her sharp and with a jagged eye barked that her theology was faulty. 

And I think now - What about John Piper and Elisabeth Elliot and George MacDonald and C.S Lewis - They all believe in the redemption of creation itself - Is their theology tainted? 

Or do they see with a clearer eye? 

Maybe we just need new eyes . . . 

Eyes and hearts that love His creation, because we love the Creator--

My Mama loves her rabbits--

And loving them, loves Him. 

Part 3: The Perseverance of Prayer

“Never, never, never give up.” 

--Winston Churchill

“The joy which answers to prayer give, cannot be described; and the impetus which they afford to the spiritual life is exceedingly great.” 

--George Mueller

"If we desire our faith to be strengthened, we should not shrink from opportunities where our faith may be tried, and therefore, through trial, be strengthened.” 

--George Mueller

"The Giver"

To give a thing and take again

Is counted meanness among men;
To take away what once is given
Cannot then be the way of heaven!

But human hearts are crumbly stuff,
And never, never love enough,
Therefore God takes and, with a smile,

Puts our best thing away a while.

 Thereon some weep, some rave, some scorn,

Some wish they never had been born;
Some humble grow at last and still,
And then God gives them what they will.

--George MacDonald
Poetical Works, Vol. 2

Then He spoke a parable to them, that men always ought to pray and not lose heart, saying: “There was in a certain city a judge who did not fear God nor regard man. Now there was a widow in that city; and she came to him, saying, ‘Get justice for me from my adversary.’  And he would not for a while; but afterward he said within himself, ‘Though I do not fear God nor regard man, yet because this widow troubles me I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me.’”

Then the Lord said, “Hear what the unjust judge said. And shall God not avenge His own elect who cry out day and night to Him, though He bears long with them? I tell you that He will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on the earth?" 
(Luke 18:1-8)

Past summer and walking the long lonely corridors of Barrington High School.

Past the summer that he left, that every week I searched in vain for his family in the long, wooden church pew. 

And they weren't there. And he didn't come back. 

I was so sure -- so sure -- that he would come back. 

So sure that I wore the same dress three weeks in a row -- the one that I wanted him to see.

But there were greater lessons to learn and deeper things to surrender. 

My heart at 18 was "yet unripe," as Christina Rossetti would phrase it -- yet unripe, and the Lord had many lessons to teach me about the patience of waiting, waiting upon Him. 

And I thought that I could love him -- that this was the one that the Lord had for me, though I had never let on to him that I felt this way. 

I believed what the Lord said in the book of Job -- that no purpose of His could be thwarted, if the plan and the purpose were truly of Him. 

I believe in the sovereignty of God. 

And yet, the Father took him away -- and I was so sure--

So sure, so I didn't understand why the Father took him away. 

But now I understand that it was to teach me -- to give me my first great lesson in surrender and the need for persevering prayer. 

So I prayed. And I cried and I poured out my heart to the Lord in poetry and journal and prayer. 

And I offered back to Him what I thought that He was giving to me -- offered him back to the Father and surrendered my will. 

My first real lesson in persevering prayer. 


He left in June. 

And then, 7 long months. 

And I didn't call him and I didn't write him -- I just left it in my Father's hands -- my personal conviction is that a man should pursue a woman and not vice-versa -- and so I left it in my wise Father's hands -- and I prayed. 

And I read Tennyson and wept--

And I read the Psalms and I wept--

And I went to school and I poured my heart into my work and prepared my college applications and I wrote and I prayed and I wept. 

Until I surrendered. 

Not my will, O Lord, but Yours---

I think that it was December 17th.  Just before Christmas -- as the hope of promise, of salvation born was drawing near. I see things symbolically, for better or for worse . . . 

My will surrendered, not clinging anymore to what I wanted--

He called. 

Seven months later--

And we talked -- and he asked if we could "keep in touch" -- the boy who would become a man and marry me--

Many lessons in surrender yet to be learned -- but here, the first promise -- the fruit of persevering prayer. 

copyright Ben Eshman

And he said, “Thus says the Lord: ‘Make this valley full of ditches.’ For thus says the Lord: ‘You shall not see wind, nor shall you see rain; yet that valley shall be filled with water, so that you, your cattle, and your animals may drink.’ And this is a simple matter in the sight of the Lord; He will also deliver the Moabites into your hand. Also you shall attack every fortified city and every choice city, and shall cut down every good tree, and stop up every spring of water, and ruin every good piece of land with stones.” Now it happened in the morning, when the grain offering was offered, that suddenly water came by way of Edom, and the land was filled with water. (II Kings 3:16-20)

Persevering prayer -- the intervention of the hand of God -- the hand of God and not man -- the arm and strength of God alone, that all the glory is His. 

How easily do we, do I give up, despair of God's help when we pray? 

What we see as so overwhelming, so impossible, is a "simple matter in the sight of the Lord..."

He wants to teach us to pray. He wants our dependence to be upon Him . . . 

Open your mouth wide and I will fill it . . .  

And there are times when something that we desire may not be His will for us, but do we even begin to seek Him in prayer over things that we don't know the outcome of?

Because He will teach us -- as we submit our will to His, as we pour our hearts out in prayer, even as Jesus did in the Garden, He to the sweating of agony's blood--

Take this cup away, and yet not my will . . . 

How far will we go to pursue Him? And how easily do we give up when things don't seem to be going well, when  it doesn't seem like the Lord is listening? 

If you have run with the footmen, and they have wearied you,

Then how can you contend with horses?

And if in the land of peace,
In which you trusted, they wearied you,

Then how will you do in the floodplain of the Jordan? 

(Jeremiah 12:5)

There are times when something that we desire may be His will -- if we will pray, in persevering prayer--

You have not because you ask not . . . 

And often these are the situations that the Lord uses to teach us to rely upon Him, to surrender to Him--Until our will is one with His -- when we have surrendered -- and then He grants us "the petition we have asked of Him, the beloved thing that our heart desires -- (see I Samuel 1).

Some humble grow at last and still,

And then God gives them what they will.

And we sometimes get this idea into our heads that it doesn't matter -- that it doesn't matter if we pray or not, because "God's will" will be done, regardless.

We forget the mystery of prayer -- of persevering prayer--

Source

And Elisha said to him, "Take a bow and some arrows." So he took himself a bow and some arrows. Then he said to the king of Israel, "Put your hand on the bow." So he put his hand on it, and Elisha put his hands on the king's hands. And he said, "Open the east window;" and he opened it. Then Elisha said, "Shoot;" and he shot. And he said, "The arrow of the Lord's deliverance and the arrow of deliverance from Syria; for you must strike the Syrians at Aphek till you have destroyed them." Then he said, "Take the arrows;" so he took them. And he said to the king of Israel, "Strike the ground;" so he struck three times, and stopped. And the man of God was angry with him, and said, "You should have struck five or six times; then you would have struck Syria till you had destroyed it! But now you will strike Syria only three times." II Kings 13:15-19

Do we stop striking the ground of persevering prayer so easily, or do we continue to strike it in hope -- all of our strength and mind and trust engaged in the God who hears?

There is power in prayer, mysterious power in persevering, believing prayer, coupled with submission and trust in the Father's wisdom and sovereignty.

A mystery -- to be embraced by faith. 

At the same time that we must accept the Father's will and submit to His authority, we are also admonished to knock at the gate of faith's door through prayer -- that it may be opened to us. 

Persevering prayer . . . and the pleasure of the Father in "granting the petitions that we have asked of Him," to the praise and glory of His grace. . . 

To encourage and fortify our hearts in Him and build a deep, trusting relationship--

And bring glory to His name. 

Better to Obey . . .

“It is to the man who is trying to live, to the man who is obedient to the word of the Master, that the word of the Master unfolds itself.” 

― George MacDonald, Unspoken Sermons: Series I, II, III

It tasted so good.

The sweet and sour chicken that my brother-in-law picked up for me on Friday night.

My husband was working late -- and here I was, pregnant -- and the sweet and sour chicken just tasted so good. 

But I'm trying to be careful with what I eat -- I was pretty careful all week -- this was a treat -- a salty treat. 

I had eaten about half of it, and I was full. And I felt my conscience, felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me then and telling me that I had eaten enough. 

I was full. I knew that if I ate any more (as I have in the past) I would feel sick and sluggish and my ankles would most likely swell like sausages. 

So I wrapped it up. I put it away. I prided myself on the "good" example that I was setting for my watching daughter and happily placed it in the refrigerator, planning in my mind what I would have later as a healthy dessert. 

A few hours later.

I put my daughter to bed, was feeling tired and discouraged. Somewhat thoughtlessly, I opened the refrigerator and there it was. My half-eaten sweet and sour chicken -- Chinese takeout -- the "opiate of the masses." 

I took it out and ate the rest . . . it didn't even taste that good. 

Later, feeling sick and bloated and frustrated, I asked for forgiveness. 

Rather than taking my weariness and discouragement to the Lord, I had taken it to sweet and sour chicken -- and the only "consolation" that I "got" was that of a sick stomach and a restless night.

It's always better to obey...

The alternative isn't worth it.

And we forfeit peace and joy and holiness and rest for a lukewarm morsel that only makes us sick.

It's always better to obey.

When we sense the Spirit of God speaking to our conscience -- whispering some word to us about self-control or trusting the Lord, or being slow to become angry, etc., it always behooves us to listen.

An idea struck me this week -- when we love the Word, we obey it. 

And our obedience is a testimony to how much we truly love the Word of God. 

The Word is not just a Book -- yes; it is transcribed for us in a book -- the Bible -- but the Word is a Person -- the flesh and blood Person of Jesus Christ.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth --and we beheld His glory . . . 

He speaks to us through His Book and through the Person of the Holy Spirit -- who makes that Book come alive in our hearts as we surrender to Him in obedience. 

A few years ago, my sister introduced me (more in depth) to the writings of George MacDonald. 

His emphasis on being obedient to God in the seemingly "little" things made a deep impression upon me and has helped remind me of how important it is to do a thing that the Lord wants us to do once we become aware of it.

Simple things like laying out our family's clothes for church the night before so that I'm not overwhelmed and running late in the morning--

Things like picking up toys and books as we use them rather than letting them sit and pile up (as much as this is possible with a young child). 

Things like asking for forgiveness quickly when I've wronged someone rather than letting it sit and frustrate and fester.

When we don't sense or "feel" the presence of God at any particular period of our lives, I've learned that the answer doesn't always lie in waiting for Him to give us an epiphany.

The renewal of that sweet sense of His presence often comes through taking the small, difficult steps of obedience that lie before us, even when we don't feel like taking them.



Getting up a little earlier in the morning to spend time in the Word of God when we'd rather sleep--

Truly listening to someone who is speaking to us rather than being distracted by the 100 things on our to-do list--

Exercising self-control and patience and humility and trust in the areas of our life where the Holy Spirit is convicting us, rather than giving ourselves an excuse--

Spending our time in edifying conversation and pursuits that bring health to our souls rather than wasting our lives on things that really won't matter in eternity.



This is how we, how I demonstrate love for the Word of God--for Jesus, the Word--through quiet, simple steps of obedience in the day to day things that happen to me.

When we love the Word, we obey.

Recently, I watched a video clip of Chinese Christians receiving Bibles for the first time.

It brought me to tears when I witnessed how these precious believers pressed the Word to their hearts as they were handed their copy of the Word of God and praised Jesus openly, kissing the Bibles that they held.

So full of joy -- kissing their Bibles because their eyes have been opened to see Jesus as the living Word.

Kissing their Bibles as if they were kissing the Son.

Beauty and truth in their open hands and in their open hearts.

So persecuted, so poor, the refuse of this world, their hearts wide open to receive His truth--

Why?

Perhaps because when we come to a place of emptiness, of brokenness, when we have suffered long for righteousness' sake, He is ready to fill us with His presence, with his joy, with his Word--

And of His fullness we have received . . . 

Grace for grace. 

And if we are too "full," too "stuffed," with the things of this world, this life, His fullness cannot fit -- and we are just bloated, worldly-fluff-filled beings who have eaten too much Chinese takeout. 

We don't really care for the things of Christ . . . We  aren't aliens and strangers here; we're friends with this world and all of its pleasures.

Friendship with the world is enmity towards God. 

We have to ask ourselves, do we, do I have that kind of all-encompassing love for Jesus Christ, that I would take His Word and kiss it and press it to my heart?

Is it that precious to me? Do I even hold those kinds of emotions towards Him?

Am I prepared to suffer persecution for His sake, or am I too comfortable in my heated home with my flannel pajamas and the promise of vacations and entertainment and "stuff?"

Am I spiritually empty?

We have to ask ourselves these hard questions, especially when we hear stories of our brothers and sisters suffering persecution and deprivation and hardship in countries like North Korea and China and Belarus.

They care about Jesus -- they've been willing to lay everything down for him--even their very lives--

What am I willing to lay down?

What do I care about?

What does my heart seek?

And he who seeks to save his life will lose it, but he who loses his life for My sake will find it--

He is our Treasure; His Word our hope. Only in obedient surrender do we realize these truths--

And press His Word to our hearts -- as our salvation and glory.

 Photo Credits: 

wEnDaLicious / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND